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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reason or example to support your opinion. v.1

that modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reason or example to support your opinion. v. 1
In recent times, many people are facing severe health issues; the obesity is one of the potential diseases. There are the main factors responsible for the increase in overweight patient in the society such as their sedentary lifestyle and diet. This essay will discuss the causes and the remedies to curb the overweight in the society. To begin with, the predominant cause for the exponential growth in overweight disease is a sedentary lifestyle of the people, which keep them away from regular exercise and slow down metabolism of their body. As a result, many potential diseases may occur; the obesity is the most common in it. For instance; the world health organisation has conducted surveys in 2018 and they revealed that 60% of the obese patients are suffering due to their sedentary lifestyle. Moreover, the food habits also reflect on an individual’s health. Nowadays, people are not having the habit of healthy dietary; hence the overweight problems are accelerating. Thus, high calorie food habit and less physical activity cause potential danger to the society. To curb this saviour issue, a person should be motivated towards the regular exercise, healthy food and stress free lifestyle. The people should be encouraged to play their favourite sports regularly. For example, football, tennis, badminton and cricket are the sports which bring good exercise to the people and also it acts as a stress buster for them. Thus the non-sedentary routine would help them to keep their body fit and healthy. In conclusion, the technology has provided great comfort to the people, although the people should continue physical activity for their active and energetic life. The government should also conduct awareness campaign to promote these practices.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing severe health issues; the obesity is one of the potential diseases. There are the main factors responsible for the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
patient in the society such as their sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and diet. This essay will discuss the causes and the remedies to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
in the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant cause for the exponential growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
disease is a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from regular exercise and slow down metabolism of their body.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential diseases may occur; the obesity is the most common in it.
For instance
; the world health
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
has conducted surveys in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2018 and
they revealed that 60% of the obese patients are suffering due to their sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Moreover
, the food habits
also
reflect on an individual’s health. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not having the habit of healthy dietary;
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
problems are accelerating.
Thus
, high calorie food habit and less physical activity cause potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to the society.

To curb this
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
issue, a person should
be motivated
towards the regular exercise, healthy food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to play their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports
regularly
.
For example
, football, tennis, badminton and cricket are the sports which bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exercise to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
it acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the non-sedentary routine would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit and healthy.

In conclusion
, the technology has provided great comfort to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should continue physical activity for their active and energetic life. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
conduct awareness campaign to promote these practices.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay that modern technology is creating a single world culture. Use specific reason or example to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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