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Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.5

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. 5
Many people dream to work in large companies these days because of high package offered by them. However, some people choose these companies for high salary to work for, while others believe that working in a good atmosphere can be beneficial. In this essay, I will discuss about the both sides of the argument and give my opinion. Firstly, selecting a dream company is a big challenge due to a heavy competition. Apart from that, maintaining a job security is the most difficult one. For instance, each year many graduates qualify their studies for jobs, but only 7 percent of people with high academic performances get that job. So, it is important for an average middle class person to get a high salary to overcome their monthly spendings. On the other hand, other people believe that working in a good atmosphere can be advantageous. Moreover, healthy surroundings at our work can help the employees to work more effectively as well as it develops interest towards their work. For example, the famous companies like Google, Amazon, Apple offers memberships in clubs and recreational activities to motivate the employees who work in those companies. In conclusion, by the above aforementioned points it is important to work for high salary as well as in a good atmosphere. In my humble opinion, it is more important to work in a better surroundings rather than working for a high salary. Although many companies offer both higher salary with a good atmosphere, it should also important for other companies to make a healthy atmosphere for their employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dream to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
package offered by them.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for, while others believe that working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
atmosphere
can be beneficial. In this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
both sides of the argument and give my opinion.

Firstly
, selecting a dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge due to a heavy competition. Apart from that, maintaining a job security is the most difficult one.
For instance
, each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates qualify their studies for jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
academic performances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for an average middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to overcome their monthly
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
atmosphere
can be advantageous.
Moreover
, healthy surroundings at our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
as well
as it develops interest towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like Google, Amazon, Apple offers memberships in clubs and recreational activities to motivate the employees who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, by the above aforementioned points it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as well
as in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
atmosphere
. In my humble opinion, it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a better surroundings
rather
than working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
offer both higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
atmosphere
, it should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
atmosphere
for their employees.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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