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Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.12

Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 12
Sporting events throughout the globe attracts different nations to participate and show their potential. Many people believe competitions like The Olympics and matches are important factor in easing international relations and national unity. This essay will discuss why sports contest on international level plays a major role in enhancing relation within the countries. First of all, the games like football, cricket, boxing and many more creates an environment of empathy. This means a specific game includes 6 to 7 nations’ representatives wherein only one will be declare as a winner. Failure creates a sort of bonding within the team who lost the game. Considering an example, Cricket in the World Cup played by different countries, but in the finale the match played within two representatives; however, is enjoyed by all the nations’ participants despite of having sorrow of failure. Thus, these events remove the feeling of nationalism for the moment and improve the relation between them. Secondly, these popular sports organized by wealthy nations to present their wealth and status in front of audience. These events arranged in stadiums of countries who want to welcome viewers and participants from all over the globe because of exhibiting their cultures and the beauties they have in their land. Yet, many have doubts is this the only reason of taking a huge financial burden? For instance, recent studies prove the fact that sponsoring these events in their land creates status on global level and improves their image as well. Therefore, organizers believe that audience will be interested in exhibiting the resource and talents of the country. To conclude, popular events like the Football World Cup and other sports improve the relation by eradicating the ongoing problems or war and develop global unity. I am convinced with the given statement and believe these competitions should be given high priority.
Sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
throughout the globe attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to participate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their potential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe competitions like The Olympics and matches are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in easing international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
and national unity. This essay will discuss why sports contest on international level plays a major role in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
within the countries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the games like football, cricket, boxing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more creates an environment of empathy. This means a specific game includes 6 to 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
representatives wherein
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one will be
Consider using the past participle "declared"?
declare
as a winner. Failure creates a sort of bonding within the team who lost the game. Considering an example, Cricket in the World Cup played by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the finale the match played within two representatives;
however
,
is enjoyed
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
participants
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
having sorrow of failure.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
remove the feeling of nationalism for the moment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
between them.

Secondly
, these popular sports organized by wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to present their wealth and status in front of audience. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
arranged in stadiums of countries who want to welcome viewers and participants from all over the globe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exhibiting their cultures and the beauties they have in their land.
Yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have doubts is this the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason of taking a huge financial burden?
For instance
, recent studies prove the fact that sponsoring these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in their land creates status on global level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their image
as well
.
Therefore
, organizers believe that audience will
be interested
in exhibiting the resource and talents of the country.

To conclude
, popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Football World Cup and other sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
by eradicating the ongoing problems or war and develop global unity. I
am convinced
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and believe these competitions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
high priority.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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