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Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day v.2

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day v. 2
Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers. Thanks to advancements in modern technology, people can now work from anywhere including their homes. In my opinion, this is a beneficial trend and it should be encouraged. Working from home benefits both the employer and the employee. Most employees who work from their home use their own equipment for getting the work done. This arrangement benefits the employer because they do not have to invest in costly hardware or furniture. They can also save money on rentals and utility bills. The low operational costs will ultimately increase the profit of the organisation. In addition, when organizations allow employees to work from home at a time convenient to them, they can reduce attrition to a great extent. The biggest benefit for employees is the time savings. On average, employees in large cities spend two to three hours a day for the daily commute. When they work from their home, they can save this time and use it for other activities. For example, they can spend more time with their family or pursue a hobby. Studies have shown that employees who get enough time for themselves are actually more productive and happier. Working from home also benefits young women who quit their jobs to take care of their children. Most of them will readily return to work if they have the opportunity to work flexible hours from their home. To conclude, not only employees but businesses also benefit when they allow their workers to work from home. In my opinion, more organizations should realize the benefit of this practice and promote it.
Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home
instead
of working in offices every day. Working from home should
be encouraged
as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for workers and employers.

Thanks to advancements in modern technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from anywhere including their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. In my opinion, this is a beneficial trend and it should
be encouraged
.

Working from home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
both the employer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
equipment for getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done. This arrangement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
the employer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest in costly hardware or furniture. They can
also
save money on rentals and utility bills. The low operational costs will
ultimately
increase the profit of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
In addition
, when
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
convenient to them, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
attrition to a great extent.

The biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
savings. On average,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in large cities spend two to three hours a day for the daily commute. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their home, they can save this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for other activities.
For example
, they can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or pursue a hobby. Studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves are actually more productive and happier. Working from home
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
young women who quit their jobs to take care of their children. Most of them will
readily
return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if they have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
flexible hours from their home.

To conclude
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
businesses
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. In my opinion, more
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
should realize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of this practice and promote it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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