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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v.102

It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v. 102
In the course of life people are often uncomfortable with the changes. The principal problem with this is that it refrains them from growth and the most viable solution to this is adopting the acceptable mindset. The predominant problem of this attitude towards change is that it can make a person less successful. That is to say, when a person encounters an opportunity in life, which requires endeavours other than that of the existing one, they are not ready to face challenge it brings and due to this, they are not able to utilise their potential to the fullest. For example, A survey conducted at the Indian Institute of Management, found that even though enough business opportunities are there, the 70 percent of students want to get a safe job with a good salary even though they had the calibre to own a business but they reported that doing a business is a risky option. The most effective solution to this is training people to have a positive mindset towards change. In other words, when the human beings will be motivated and educated about ways to face challenges with hard work and patience. This will help them to achieve an unimaginable success. For instance, The students at the Harvard University are frequently presented with the data that how their alumni performed, when they have chosen the path of business versus the path of a safe job it is clear from the data that the people who do business do exceptionally well. This motivates the most of their upcoming students to embark upon the business endeavours. Therefore, the perspective with a positive outlook towards change will bring huge advantage. To conclude, resistance towards the change limit the individual's development and the most viable solution to this is instilling them with the acceptance towards change with positive viewpoint.
In the course of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
uncomfortable with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. The principal problem with this is that it refrains them from growth and the most viable solution to this is adopting the acceptable mindset.

The predominant problem of this attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person less successful.
That is
to say, when a person encounters an opportunity in life, which requires
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
other than that of the existing one, they are not ready to face challenge it brings and due to this, they are not able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their potential to the fullest.
For example
, A survey conducted at the Indian Institute of Management, found that
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
opportunities are there, the 70 percent of students want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a safe job with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary
even though
they had the
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they reported that doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is a risky option.

The most effective solution to this is training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
In other words
, when the human beings will
be motivated
and educated about ways to face challenges with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and patience. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to achieve an unimaginable success.
For instance
, The students at the Harvard University are
frequently
presented with the data that how their alumni performed, when they have chosen the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
versus the path of a safe job it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
do
exceptionally
well. This motivates the most of their upcoming students to embark upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.
Therefore
, the perspective with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
will bring huge advantage.

To conclude
, resistance towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
limit the individual's development and the most viable solution to this is instilling them with the acceptance towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
viewpoint.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v. 102

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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