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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural back ground living together in the same country makes the country to develop faster. do you agree v.1

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural back ground living together in the same country makes the country to develop faster. do you agree v. 1
Needless to emphasise, the number of overseas residents in different countries is increasing. However, is it beneficial for the nation to promote immigration? A lion's share of society argues that the people of from the different territory and cultural backgrounds will make significant developments in the country they belong to. I strongly agree with this notion and this essay is an attempt to explore this idea in a wide perspective. Indeed, it is greatly advantageous for a country to have a number of people from other nations. The people from distinct parts of the world would have different skills, knowledge and ideas. Hence they could invent new creations and ideas which will promote productivity and enhancement of different field. For example, if a business company follows the same pattern and approaches in their organization with native people may not bring much profit, therefore employees with different kind of experience from other countries can provide new idea which will increase the business and thereby the economy of the nation would flourish. Yet another benefit of different national people would help to develop good skills of the native residents. Contineus interaction and conversation create awareness of different language, lifestyle and culture. To illustrate, most of the European countries speak English, and it is important to have the skill in international language to interact with people for business, education and so on. Hence the mixture of people from another nation would help to learn the English language by communication, as a result, people can develop language, moreover, they would have the capacity to become bilingual or even multilingual. which would help in international trade and pursue different stream of education. In conclusion, the notion of living together of people from different parts of the world definitely help the people of native to develop different skills and bring new invention in a different sector, therefore the country can improve as a whole.
Needless to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
, the number of overseas residents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is increasing.
However
, is it beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to promote immigration? A lion's share of society argues that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
territory and cultural backgrounds will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant developments in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they belong to. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and this essay is an attempt to explore this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a wide perspective".
in a wide perspective
.

Indeed
, it is
greatly
advantageous for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from distinct parts of the world would have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they could invent new creations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
which will promote productivity and enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
field.
For example
, if a business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
follows the same pattern and approaches in their organization with native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not bring much profit,
therefore
employees with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of experience from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
which will increase the business and thereby the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
would flourish.

Yet
another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the native residents.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contineus
interaction and conversation create awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, lifestyle and culture. To illustrate, most of the European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
speak English, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for business, education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to learn the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
by communication,
as a result
,
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people
can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
moreover
, they would have the capacity to become bilingual or even multilingual.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in international trade and pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
stream of education.

In conclusion
, the notion of living together of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of native to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and bring new invention in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
sector,
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as a whole.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural back ground living together in the same country makes the country to develop faster. do you agree v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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