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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.12

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 12
Retirement is a phase where one gets the leisure to sit back and relax after all the hardship faced. Having a specific retirement age is a subjective matter. This essay will argue that why it is unjust to have a common retirement age for every worker from various occupations. Every profession is different from others, though the hard work is same in some ways. However, retiring is the decision of an individual. Because the thoughts behind this decision are based on personal opinion. For instance, an information technology expert might want to retire at the age of 40 years and start a new business for the rest of his life. If a fix age is decided for every individual, then one will have to work despite of his wish. On the other hand, there is a specific retirement year decided for government professionals. For example, the bank employees retire at the age of 60 years. This is because they get more perquisites such as paid leave, public holidays, trips sponsored by employers, to name but a few. So, they get enough leisure during their professional life. In my opinion, physically straining job workers deserve the benefit of withdrawing at an early age. This includes mine workers, soldiers of The Army, Navy and Air Force, mechanical engineers working in the field etc. Although the retirement age is fixed for some fields, there has to be an alternative for retiring at will. To summarize, setting a particular period of retirement for every profession is impartial. This essay argued that how retirement is a private choice and must vary from person to person and profession to profession.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
is a phase where one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the leisure to sit back and relax
after all
the hardship faced. Having a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a subjective matter. This essay will argue that why it is unjust to have a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for every worker from various occupations.

Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others, though the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is same in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
However
, retiring is the decision of an individual.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the thoughts behind this decision
are based
on personal opinion.
For instance
, an information technology expert might want to retire at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 40 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new business for the rest of his life. If a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is decided
for every individual, then one will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
his wish.

On the other hand
, there is a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
year decided for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
professionals.
For example
, the bank employees retire at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 years. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more perquisites such as paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, public holidays, trips sponsored by employers, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
leisure during their professional life. In my opinion,
physically
straining job workers deserve the benefit of withdrawing at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This includes mine workers, soldiers of The Army, Navy and Air Force, mechanical engineers working in the field etc. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be an alternative for retiring at will.

To summarize
, setting a particular period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is impartial. This essay argued that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is a private choice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
vary from person to person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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