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The death penalty is best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree? v.1

The death penalty is best way to control and reduce serious crime. v. 1
Many people believe that death Pena is necessary to help security system efficient in the society. While there are some negative aspects of capital punishment, I agree that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence. Capital punishment can be considered unsuitable for several reasons. The strongest argument is that all people accused of crime should be given a fair trial in a court of law. Moreover, if an accused is kept on death row for many years, that makes the punishment more severe than just depriving the criminal of life. Besides, sometimes criminals repent for their acts, in this case they should be given a second chance to improve themselves. However, I believe that the death penalty is needed in the community. Firstly, it is the strongest deterrent against crimes. The best way to prevent a person committing crime is to set an example so that they will think twice before doing. For example, the government of Bangladesh has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties to the members of such organizations. Secondly, the kith and kin of the victim will feel they have received justice. Lastly, the government spends large sums of national budget on maintenance of prisoners. Instead, this money can be utilized for the development of the society and welfare of the commoners. To sum up, although capital punishment has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening government expenses and preventing other people from committing crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that death Pena is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
security system efficient in the society. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we will become more vulnerable to violence.

Capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can
be considered
unsuitable for several reasons. The strongest argument is that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
accused of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
trial in a court of law.
Moreover
, if an accused is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on death row for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
more severe than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
depriving the criminal of life.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
criminals repent for their acts,
in this case
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a second chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.

However
, I believe that the death penalty
is needed
in the community.
Firstly
, it is the strongest deterrent against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a person committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is to set an example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Bangladesh has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties to the members of such organizations.
Secondly
, the kith and kin of the victim will feel they have received justice.
Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends large sums of national budget on maintenance of prisoners.
Instead
, this money can
be utilized
for the development of the society and welfare of the commoners.

To sum up, although capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenses and preventing other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The death penalty is best way to control and reduce serious crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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