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Universities should develop methods to support students who come from rural and disadvantageous backgrounds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Universities should develop methods to support students who come from rural and disadvantageous backgrounds. v. 1
The college attainment gap between rural and urban students is widening as disadvantaged students are unable to bear the expense of university education. Hence, universities ought to follow certain methodologies that enable these students to acquire university education. Education plays a paramount role to achieve success in life and therefore, should be accessible to everyone. Unfortunately, students from economically backward areas are unable to pursue university education due to lack of financial resources. Therefore, universities could provide need-based scholarships to these students. Furthermore, they can make a provision to allocate certain percentage of seats for these less privileged students, which would motivate and aid them to pursue university education. In addition to this, universities can provide free of cost distance learning classes as well as laptops and other study materials for these students when there is no seat available for on-campus admission. This will allow a larger number of students to get a university degree without worrying about the finances. As a result, more educated and skilled people are produced in the socio-economically backward areas. This would help the overall development of that area which consequently will help in the nation’s prosperity. Some may argue that it is unfair for the urban students, if universities prioritize students from rural backgrounds as they feel such initiatives could limit the funds and scholarships available to them. However, I think universities can tackle this concern by balancing the funds and seats on the basis of need and merits. This will not hinder the education of talented regular students as well as it will avail in poorer students to access university education. In conclusion, I believe that universities should initiate various admission methodologies such as funds, seat allocation and distance learning to assist underprivileged students to get higher education.
The college attainment gap between rural and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is widening as disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to bear the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
ought to follow certain methodologies that enable these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

Education plays a paramount role to achieve success in life and
therefore
, should be accessible to everyone. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
economically
backward areas are unable to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to lack of financial resources.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
could provide need-based scholarships to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a provision to allocate certain percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
for these less privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which would motivate and aid them to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can provide free of cost distance learning classes
as well
as laptops and other study materials for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seat
available for on-campus admission. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree without worrying about the finances.
As a result
, more educated and skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are produced
in the socio-
economically
backward areas. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
overall
development of that area which
consequently
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the nation’s prosperity.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that it is unfair for the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from rural backgrounds as they feel such initiatives could limit the funds and scholarships available to them.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can tackle this concern by balancing the funds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
on the basis of need and merits. This will not hinder the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of talented regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
as it will avail in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should initiate various admission methodologies such as funds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seat
allocation and distance learning to assist underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should develop methods to support students who come from rural and disadvantageous backgrounds. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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