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Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. Discuss both view and give your Opinion. v.2

Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. v. 2
Children are the future of a society. Some people believe that, children should be kept under check and all their decisions should be made by their parents, but others argue, they should be allowed to make their own decision. In this essay, I will discuss both views and put forth my views supporting the latter argument. Firstly, those who believe that, children should be controlled think, they will not be able to make the right decisions because of their inexperience. In their view, children can be easily influenced by negative elements in our society and this will affect their decision making abilities. To avoid such instances, parents should make all the decisions for them, since they are more experienced and will know what is good for their children. For example, when it comes to higher studies, a child may act on his impulse and may take up courses which are not beneficial for his/her job prospects, but parents can choose a course which is better suited for his/her career. However, if parents make all the decisions for their children, they will never learn to be independent, and will be dependent on their parents for all their life decisions. Moreover, when a child makes a bad or wrong decision, it will give him or her the opportunity to learn from the mistakes and it will improve their emotional intelligence. The duty of the parents should be to guide their children in the right direction and support them in their failures. This support system will give a child all the confidence in the world. For example, Robert Downey Jr, when he was young made lot wrong choices, by the time he was 16 he was jailed twice and was a drug addict. But once he realized his mistakes he was able to learn from his bad decisions and turn around his life with the help of his mother. To conclude, I believe, parents should never force their decisions on their child and only guide them when it is required. Children should have their space to make decisions and it will help become an emotionally intelligent human being.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of a society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
should
be made
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others argue, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. In this essay, I will discuss both views and put forth my views supporting the latter argument.

Firstly
, those who believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be controlled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, they will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inexperience. In their view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
easily
influenced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
elements in our society and this will affect their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
abilities. To avoid such instances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for them, since they are more experienced and will know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to higher studies, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may act on his impulse and may take up courses which are not beneficial for his/her job prospects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can choose a course which is better suited for his/her career.

However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will never learn to be independent, and will be dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for all their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
Moreover
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, it will give him or her the opportunity to learn from the mistakes and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their emotional intelligence. The duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the right direction and support them in their failures. This support system will give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
all the confidence in the world.
For example
, Robert Downey Jr, when he was young made lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices, by the time he was 16 he
was jailed
twice and was a drug addict.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
once he realized his mistakes he was able to learn from his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and turn around his life with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of his mother.

To conclude
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should never force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guide them when it
is required
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should have their space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
become an
emotionally
intelligent human being.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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