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It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. v. 1
In the current scenario, migrating to another place for pursuing higher education has become a common trend. One school of thought is of the opinion that this is a positive trend, while others refute it. I definitely believe, that moving away from home has a positive impact on an individual’s personality. To commence with, there are several reasons to bolster my opinion. Firstly, there are innumerable cases wherein people from ruler areas with simple personalities have been moulded into dynamic thinkers and problem solvers when shifting to developed cities. Moreover, there have been many people, including various famous personalities who transformed themselves after living away from their homes can or has to transform himself by facing various challenges. For example, a survey conducted in a university in my city revealed that students who developed holistically where the ones lived on campus. Despite the fact that living independently away from home has myriad benefits, it may sometimes cause certain problems for the students. One of the major issues may be that students feel homesick and get lonely which would in turn have an impact on their studies. Also, lack of parental supervision may cause certain hurdles as they might get influenced by the peers and fall prey to wrong activities. To sum it up, although the importance of family cannot be subdued, it is highly necessary to stay away from one’s home during the course of higher education, as of course, it is the base to for future, especially, professional life.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, migrating to another place for pursuing higher education has become a common trend. One school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is of the opinion that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, while others refute it. I definitely believe, that moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on an individual’s personality.

To commence with, there are several reasons to bolster my opinion.
Firstly
, there are innumerable cases wherein
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from ruler areas with simple personalities have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
into dynamic thinkers and problem solvers when shifting to developed cities.
Moreover
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities who transformed themselves after living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
can or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
transform himself by facing various challenges.
For example
, a survey conducted in a university in my city revealed that students who developed
holistically
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
on campus.

Despite the fact that living
independently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home has myriad benefits, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cause certain problems for the students. One of the major issues may be that students feel homesick and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lonely which would in turn have an impact on their studies.
Also
, lack of parental supervision may cause certain hurdles as they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by the peers and fall prey to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities.

To sum it up, although the importance of family cannot
be subdued
, it is
highly
necessary to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from one’s home during the course of higher education, as
of course
, it is the base to for future,
especially
, professional life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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