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Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). v. 1
Each world's nation has different points of view about their own monetary investments. Some of countries choose to raise new city's facilities instead of repairing the old ones. On the other hand, some governments are positive that the best way is making improvements to the existing public transport. Certainly the best choice is related with the best price-performance ratio. Firstly, an example of repairing could be related to the old and almost destroyed trains constructions. For them, rather than making little changes, maybe the best option is to clean the area and star over building new railway lines. Consequently, the reconstruction of all connections and patterns will permit modern technologies enhances to the structures. In spite of that, the drawbacks are related to some nature concerns. When Governments build twice the same public equipments, more the use of ecological resources. In the train example, metal is a material that can be reused. Moreover, this posture helps with the budget of construction. Furthermore, another benefit of taking advantage of the old structures is the use of them as historical museums. The entrance fees can be useful, not only saving some public money, but also investing in the education of citizens. Actually, in Paranapiacaca, a city in Brazil, there is an example of a train museum. While it that entertains a lot of visitors, it offers at the same time a tour in an old wagon. To conclude, in my point of view, it is important to focus on the advantages of improvements, paying attention to the recycling and the creative use of historical tourism. Indeed the modern cities will show us their stories, while they will give the best technologies to transport people.
Each world's nation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
monetary investments.
After 'Some of', you should use 'the' ("Some of the countries") or simply say "Some countries".
Some of countries
choose to raise new city's facilities
instead
of repairing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way is making improvements to the existing public transport.
Certainly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
choice
is related
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
price-performance ratio.

Firstly
, an example of repairing could
be related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
trains constructions. For them,
rather
than making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option is to clean the area and star over building new railway lines.
Consequently
, the reconstruction of all connections and patterns will permit modern technologies enhances to the structures.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, the drawbacks
are related
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nature concerns. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
build twice the same public equipments, more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of ecological resources. In the train example, metal is a material that can
be reused
.
Moreover
, this posture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
with the budget of construction.

Furthermore
, another benefit of taking advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
structures is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them as historical museums. The entrance fees can be useful, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
investing in the education of citizens. Actually, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paranapiacaca
, a city in Brazil, there is an example of a train museum. While it that entertains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
visitors, it offers at the same time a tour in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
wagon.

To conclude
, in my point of view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on the advantages of improvements, paying attention to the recycling and the creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of historical tourism.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
the modern cities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us their stories, while they will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
technologies to transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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