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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. v.1

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1
Introduction: It is said that governments should provide support in term of money to artists such as painters and musicians, however, many believe that the support should come from other sources. This essay will discuss both views of the topic Firstly, it can be said that these artists should be funded by the governments. This is because of the contributions that they bring to the countries through their works. For example, a musician can write and sing a song about a famous place in the country which would spread recognition of this site to both people in and outside of the country. Thus, this essay agrees with this point of view as governmental funding will be a great encouragement for the creators to produce more meaningful artworks. On the other side, governments ought not to fund artists with as this may bring adverse ramifications. As explanation for this, many countries are having more serious issues to deal with such as poverty, pollution, which will requires a lot of financial resources. Therefore, agreement with this perception is understandable as artists can sell their artworks to earn for a living, resulting in less reliance on governments. A conspicuous case-in-point is artists selling there drawings to gain money for themselves. Conclusion: In summary, people who create artworks should find alternative sources rather than governments for financial assistance, nonetheless, it cannot be concluded that help from governments is not necessary. In my opinion, countries should do thorough researches in the artist communities before deciding whether to fund them or not.
Introduction: It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should provide support in term of money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
such as painters and musicians,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that the support should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from other sources. This essay will discuss both views of the topic

Firstly
, it can
be said
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should
be funded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contributions that they bring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through their works.
For example
, a musician can write and sing a song about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which would spread recognition of this site to both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this point of view as governmental funding will be a great encouragement for the creators to produce more meaningful artworks.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
ought not to fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
with as this may bring adverse ramifications. As explanation for this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are having more serious issues to deal with such as poverty, pollution, which will requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial resources.
Therefore
, agreement with this perception is understandable as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can sell their artworks to earn for a living, resulting in less reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. A conspicuous case-in-point is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
selling there drawings to gain money for themselves.

Conclusion: In summary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who create artworks should find alternative sources
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
for financial assistance, nonetheless, it cannot
be concluded
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
is not necessary. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should do thorough researches in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding whether to fund them or not.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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