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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Nowadays, we face two major environmental issues; global warming and deforestation. Which one has the most significant impact on the environment? Actually, there is not a general consensus about this. In my opinion, deforestation is by far more devastating because the revival of the forests is not feasible. On the one hand, some people believe that global warming is the lead source of environmental problems. Firstly, increase the average temperature of the planet could lead us to more frequent droughts, which will break down the agriculture and ecological systems; thus, mass starvation will be inevitable. Second, glacier melting is one of the most significant consequences of global warming; as a result, Antarctica has been losing billions of tons of ice per year, and the sea level has risen in the recent century. Because of sea-level rise, severe floods might occur, and many lives would be threatened. On the other hand, some people argue that the effects of deforestation are much more catastrophic. Firstly, more than 50 percent of land animals and plant species live in the forest, and several species disappear in each second because of forest degradation. Secondary, and more important, deforestation is an irreversible issue, so we need several decades to replace each cut tree; however, we cannot bring back the creatures that had been eradicated. Thirdly, deforestation is one of the reasons for global warming, indeed. The more forest degradation will occur, the more carbon dioxide, as the most important cause of global warming, will release into the atmosphere. In my opinion, global warming can be prevented with some changes in our trends. We cannot reduce the amount of harmful fume that already exist in the atmosphere; however, decrease the emission of gases into the air is not far-fetched.
Nowadays, we face two major environmental issues;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
. Which one has the most significant impact on the environment? Actually, there is not a general consensus about this. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
is by far more devastating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the revival of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
is not feasible.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is the lead source of environmental problems.
Firstly
, increase the average temperature of the planet could lead us to more frequent droughts, which will break down the agriculture and ecological systems;
thus
, mass starvation will be inevitable. Second, glacier melting is one of the most significant consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
;
as a result
, Antarctica has been losing billions of tons of ice per year, and the sea level has risen in the recent century.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of sea-level rise, severe floods might occur, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
would
be threatened
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
are much more catastrophic.
Firstly
, more than 50 percent of land animals and plant species
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
, and several species disappear in each second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
degradation. Secondary, and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
is an irreversible issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need several decades to replace each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
tree;
however
, we cannot bring back the creatures that had
been eradicated
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
is one of the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
,
indeed
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
degradation will occur, the more carbon dioxide, as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, will release into the atmosphere.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our trends. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of harmful fume that already exist in the atmosphere;
however
, decrease the emission of gases into the air is not far-fetched.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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