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Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative asrts such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative asrts such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. v. 1
There is no doubt that in every country there are many creative artists but they do not have financial support to play such as feathers, films but others believe that the Government should help with financial support. In my opinion, the roof of this problem Government gives more attention to sportsmen than artists also government should provide artists too. We can see that many creative artists can not show their talents in old buildings. It means that Government should give more attention to creative artists with great talent. For example, in Tashkent there are many brilliant musicians and painters unfortunately they work in school, but Government gives financial backing to sport activity such as football, boxing as result economy of the country lose much capital, Meanwhile many creative artists may bring much money economy of the country. For example, Every year in Italy holds musician show all of the countries perform their talents and compete also many big companies investigate much money to this program if one artists had won they would give big gifts such as diploma, much payment and, car. In addition, they become very popular. Furthermore, I think, the solution of this problem, the Government should build more music school as at present many teenagers have talents also built many opera houses, theatre, main hall where society may visit also get relaxed. Meanwhile, Tv programs should more show theatre and opera. In conclusion, there are good reasons why artists should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but in my opinion government help is sometimes necessary.
There is no doubt that in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to play such as feathers, films
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support. In my opinion, the roof of this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more attention to sportsmen than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
too.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
buildings. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
For example
, in Tashkent there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
brilliant musicians and painters unfortunately they work in school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
backing to sport activity such as football, boxing as result economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
capital, Meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
may bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Every year in Italy holds musician
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and compete
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
investigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money to this program if one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
had won they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
gifts such as diploma,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
payment and, car.
In addition
, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular.

Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the solution of this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should build more music school as at present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
also
built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opera
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, main hall where society may visit
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed. Meanwhile,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
programs should more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and opera.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should rely on alternative sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
necessary.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative asrts such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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