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Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. v. 4
Modern technology is one of the most important breakthrough that has been brought to humanity. While I agree that people gain many benefits from it, thanks to its convenience and high speed, there are still some hidden risks that people should concern. On the one hand, technology contributes making people's lives easier. Thanks to computers, mobile devices and the Internet, people could get access to the information in the quickest way. As a result, people become more and more intelligent and enhance more knowledge. Moreover, social networking site allows users to exchange information, share their daily life with others and communicate regardless of where they are. For example, students could access to learning sites from various sources and search for scholarship just via a computer connected the Internet. Technological advancement could reduce environmental pollution and save more fossil fuel. This is because people can use advanced technology to take advantage of alternative sources such as solar, water and wind. On the other hand, it is undeniable that modern technology has some drawbacks. Sometimes, people are too dependent on technology, which could lead to passivity and the decline in creativity. Furthermore, they could face health problems if the overuse its usefulness. For instance, spending too much time on computers would harm both mental and physical health and increase the risks of some diseases like obesity, diabetes, short-sightedness and depression. In addition, technological progress is a major contributor to unemployment. In Vietnam, there are over one million people suffering from the lack of job opportunities because manual labour is being replaced with technology. To sum up, although I believe modern technology is very beneficial, it has some aspects that people should take into account and remedy its problems.
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
breakthrough that has
been brought
to humanity. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from it, thanks to its convenience and high speed, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hidden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should concern.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
contributes making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. Thanks to computers, mobile devices and the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to the information in the quickest way.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more and more intelligent and enhance more knowledge.
Moreover
, social networking site
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
users to exchange information, share their daily life with others and communicate regardless of where they are.
For example
, students could access to learning sites from various sources and search for scholarship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
via a computer connected the Internet. Technological advancement could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental pollution and save more fossil fuel. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to take advantage of alternative sources such as solar, water and wind.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which could lead to passivity and the decline in creativity.
Furthermore
, they could face health problems if the overuse its usefulness.
For instance
, spending too much time on computers would harm both mental and physical health and increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases like obesity, diabetes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
and depression.
In addition
, technological progress is a major contributor to unemployment. In Vietnam, there are over one million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from the lack of job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is
being replaced
with technology.

To sum up, although I believe modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take into account and remedy its problems.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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