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Educationalists think that international exchange visits are important for teenage school students. Do you agree? v.2

Educationalists think that international exchange visits are important for teenage school students. Do you agree? v. 2
In the era of globalisation, some academicians opine that the international exchange visits are going to be fruitful for the elementary school pupils. I agree with the above notion at a great extent; which provides a global platform for the youth. The supporting arguments are discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the major benefit of such exchange programme; the students can widen their prospect not only in academics but also in the practical skills enhancement. They would indulge with the other international students having vast diversity. As a result, the adolescents could mould themselves to compete such a competitive world and also pursue an interest in other skills which they could learn from a foreign country. For instance, many British students have visited India to enhance their skill in a mathematical subject, which they could not learn at their native education system. Thus, the exchange of knowledge creates a harmony in the society and integrate their efforts to develop the mankind. Furthermore, the student exchange programme is beneficial to the indigenous students too. They could get an opportunity to exchange their knowledge with foreigner students. These sharing might be in terms of learning methodology, project work or interpersonal skills. These practices will uplift the quality of the aboriginal education system. For example, after the student exchange programme, the Indian education system has been quite influenced by the teaching methodology of the Japanese system; which is more productive for the native students. Therefore, the international study programme is beneficial for the students of host country too. In conclusion, it is indeed that the sharing of knowledge will enhance the society. These international exchange visits will have a positive impact on both the students, foreign as well as native students. The government should also conduct such pilot projects to encourage their young generations.
In the era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academicians opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
visits are going to be fruitful for the elementary school pupils. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above notion at a great extent; which provides a global platform for the youth. The supporting arguments
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major benefit of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can widen their prospect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the practical
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
enhancement. They would indulge with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having vast diversity.
As a result
, the adolescents could
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
themselves to compete such a competitive world and
also
pursue an interest in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which they could learn from a foreign country.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have visited India to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in a mathematical subject, which they could not learn at their native education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
of knowledge creates a harmony in the society and integrate their efforts to develop the mankind.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
is beneficial to the indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
too. They could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
their knowledge with foreigner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. These sharing might be in terms of learning methodology, project work or interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. These practices will uplift the quality of the aboriginal education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
For example
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
, the Indian education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has been quite influenced by the teaching methodology of the Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
; which is more productive for the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
study
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of host country too.

In conclusion
, it is
indeed
that the sharing of knowledge will enhance the society. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
visits will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, foreign
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
conduct such pilot projects to encourage their young generations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Educationalists think that international exchange visits are important for teenage school students. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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