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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 4
Over the past few years, some people have assumed that extreme sports should be forbidden by the authorities, while others claim that individuals should be given more liberty to indulge in any physical activity or sport. From my perspective, I would argue that people should be free to practice such sports as they wish. On the one hand, there is a range of reasons why risky sports should be prohibited from being taken by the populace. First and foremost, these kinds of sports tend to pose various issues related to the safety of the players as they may get severely injured or even get killed. For example, bones broken will deprive them of necessary activities which may be detrimental to their daily life. Besides, collapsing while engaging in extreme sports would possibly trigger off plant-life to the athlete, and the percentage of recovery is intensely low. Furthermore, some dangerous sports, such as boxing, mixed martial arts, or even American football, mostly represent violence. Hence, these sports’ audiences, particularly adolescents, would probably be encouraged to aggressive thoughts or improper behaviours in their life. On the other hand, although extreme sports sometimes can be fatal, such sports should not be forbidden as they yield enormous benefits to the participants. Firstly, as corporations providing dangerous sports these days have been increasingly meticulous about the procedures and protective equipment, it is guaranteed that individuals would be safe while taking part in these activities. Therefore, they will stand chances to indulge themselves in these interests after being stressed by the pressure at their workplaces. Secondly, such extreme sports are likely to be favoured by spectators at various ages as they can get great excitement from watching the performance, consequently, athletes can also have a great deal of fame and wealth. Equally important, citizens have their right to do whatever they wish, and it should be respected rather than forbidden by law. In conclusion, although there are some factors that government should regulate dangerous sports, I uphold the conviction that citizens are at liberty to play dangerous sports owing to the development of the facilities and its considerable advantages.
Over the past few years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have assumed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be forbidden
by the authorities, while others claim that individuals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more liberty to indulge in any physical activity or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. From my perspective, I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be free to practice such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as they wish.

On the one hand, there is a range of reasons why risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be prohibited
from
being taken
by the populace.
First
and foremost, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tend to pose various issues related to the safety of the players as they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severely
injured or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
killed.
For example
, bones broken will deprive them of necessary activities which may be detrimental to their daily life.
Besides
, collapsing while engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would
possibly
trigger off plant-life to the athlete, and the percentage of recovery is
intensely
low.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, such as boxing, mixed martial arts, or even American football,
mostly
represent violence.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports’
audiences,
particularly
adolescents, would
probably
be encouraged
to aggressive thoughts or improper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
in their life.

On the other hand
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can be fatal, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be forbidden
as they yield enormous benefits to the participants.
Firstly
, as corporations providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
these days have been
increasingly
meticulous about the procedures and protective equipment, it
is guaranteed
that individuals would be safe while taking part in these activities.
Therefore
, they will stand chances to indulge themselves in these interests after being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
by the pressure at their workplaces.
Secondly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are likely to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by spectators at various ages as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great excitement from watching the performance,
consequently
, athletes can
also
have a great deal of fame and wealth.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, citizens have their right to do whatever they wish, and it should
be respected
rather
than forbidden by law.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I uphold the conviction that citizens are at liberty to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
owing to the development of the facilities and its considerable advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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