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Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. v. 3
In the modern era of society, labour force gradually claims their rights including suitable working time. Although some people believe that lengthening the duration of hours per employee is a principal method to boost productivity, I strongly support there are better ways. To begin with, working overtime is a deterrent against constant improvements in efficiency in the workplace without long-term stability. In fact, this measure can live up to business aspiration immediately, which is regarded as a strategy by companies. However, looking over the whole evolutionary process, I judge adverse impacts on health and well-being of workers. The more time they dedicate to running at work, the more fatigue, stress and depression they suffer. Accordingly, their performance is worse than they did step-by-step. After a long period of time, the rate of sick leave is likely to increase and that means the key of production is not on-going any longer. Thus, the tendency to abusing manpower bring about an expensive cost that hold back the economic success employers expect. On the other hand, this issue can be coped with by more than one solution thanks to the development of technology nowadays. Technological innovation, which has become a major source of competitive advantage and wealth creation, has helped to automate goods production, facilitated communication and expanded network among firms. For example, a technical cooperation between two giant corporations gave birth to a perfect Vinfast car made of machine parts of Vingroup and plastic cover ones of AnPhat Holdings. This association helps develop the rate of interests of enterprises, create more job opportunities for employees and lighten work schedules per person. In conclusion, a long average working time is not an optimal way to gain more financial benefit as well as permanent business value, but modern technique is a potential probability I believe.
In the modern era of society,
labour
force
gradually
claims their rights including suitable working
time
. Although
some
people
believe that lengthening the duration of hours per employee is a principal method to boost productivity, I
strongly
support there are better ways.

To
begin
with, working overtime is a deterrent against constant improvements in efficiency in the workplace without long-term stability. In fact, this measure can
live
up to business aspiration immediately, which
is regarded
as a strategy by
companies
.
However
, looking over the whole evolutionary process, I judge adverse impacts on health and well-being of workers. The more
time
they dedicate to running at work, the more fatigue,
stress
and depression they suffer.
Accordingly
, their performance is worse than they did step-by-step. After a long period of
time
, the rate of sick
leave
is likely to increase and that means the key of production is not
on-going
any longer.
Thus
, the tendency to abusing manpower bring about an expensive cost that hold back the economic success employers
expect
.

On the other hand
, this issue can
be coped
with by more than one solution thanks to the development of technology nowadays. Technological innovation, which has become a major source of competitive advantage and wealth creation, has
helped
to automate
goods
production, facilitated communication and expanded network among firms.
For example
, a technical cooperation between two giant corporations gave birth to a perfect
Vinfast
car made of machine parts of
Vingroup
and plastic cover ones of
AnPhat
Holdings. This association
helps
develop the rate of interests of enterprises, create more job opportunities for employees and lighten work schedules per person.

In conclusion
, a long average working
time
is not an optimal way to gain more financial benefit
as well
as permanent business value,
but
modern technique is a potential probability I believe.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries with long average working hours are economically more successful than those countries which do not work long hours. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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