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Some people say that there is no need to give international aid by governments as they already have unemployment and homeless in their own country. v.1

Some people say that there is no need to give international aid by governments as they already have unemployment and homeless in their own country. v. 1
It is a big concern for many people that it is not a compulsory responsibility of their government to provide international aid to other countries owing to the fact that they have some obstacles in their home country. In my opinion, I would like to stay in middle ground of this debate. Firstly, one important aspect of a government is to invest money in their own country instead of giving wealth to other countries. In fact, it is true that when the unemployment rate is high in a country and people of this country need better economic structure, they would not support that their governments supply aid and money to other poor countries. Naturally, they would expect their own problems to be sorted out first. For instance, if any government invests money for the constructions of many new organisations like factories and health departments in their homeland, there will be more chances of development of country and high opportunities to control on unemployment. Another important thing for any country’s government is to provide homes and some other facilities to homeless people rather than lending money to other countries because in this way the economy would be better than before in that country. If any government has extra money firstly they should focus on compulsory needs of their own country after that it can be provided as the international aid to other countries. However, we live in a single globe and when people in some parts of the world are starving, many others have opulent resources. Sharing among nations can ensure a better world. The economic structure of the present world would never allow a country to ensure 100% employment and houses for people to live in. there will always be homeless people and jobless youth even in developed countries. So considering these, a rich nation should always help the poor nations in need. Don’t we help people with our resources and money when we still have a scarcity of these? Similarly, a comparatively rich country should always raise the helping hand to the poor nations. The sharing of wealth will eliminate more pressing problems in poor nations and thus in return they would also help in other ways. For example, rich countries like the USA invest in research facilities in many Asian countries and in return they can have meritorious scientists living and working for them and better business understanding. In conclusion, the government of a country should first fulfil the necessity of its own citizens. To a certain extent, they should share their extra wealth to poor countries as the international aid that can be helpful for both of the countries.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it is not a compulsory responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to provide international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
owing to the fact that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, I would like to stay in middle ground of this debate.

Firstly
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of giving wealth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In fact, it is true that when the unemployment rate is high in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic structure, they would not support that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Naturally
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems to
be sorted
out
first
.
For instance
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the constructions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
like factories and health departments in their homeland, there will be more chances of development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and high opportunities to control on unemployment.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to provide homes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities to homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than lending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this way the economy would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
firstly
they should focus on compulsory needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after that it can
be provided
as the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a single globe and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world are starving,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others have opulent resources. Sharing among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can ensure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
world. The economic structure of the present world would never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to ensure 100% employment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. there will always be homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and jobless youth even in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
considering these, a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in need. Don’t we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with our resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when we
still
have a scarcity of these?
Similarly
, a
comparatively
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should always raise the helping hand to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The sharing of wealth will eliminate more pressing problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
thus
in return they would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways.
For example
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the USA invest in research facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and in return they can have meritorious scientists living and working for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
business understanding.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
first
fulfil the necessity of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens. To a certain extent, they should share their extra wealth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
that can be helpful for both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that there is no need to give international aid by governments as they already have unemployment and homeless in their own country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
442 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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