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Tourism is becoming increasing important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v.1

Tourism is becoming increasing important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 1
Territory is a great source of entertainment as it is kind of recreational activity. People are busy with their hectic life schedule, so they can relax themselves through movement and they learn different things in other nations. In transit, trend of travelling has escalated and it becomes a good source of income for a country. In upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss that there are positive impacts of touristy, however the drawbacks cannot be neglected of touristy. To begin with the merits of excursion, firstly tourists use the mode of public transportations, which enhance the revenue of transportation in large proportion. Secondly, people visit to historical museums and buildings. At there, the eye catching equipments attract them and they purchase items, which also contribute to the revenue of the nation. Additionally, tourists interacts to others cultures, traditions and languages, so they broaden their horizon of knowledge. Furthermore, the tourism sector is helpful to promote hospitality and hotel management by providing job opportunities for people of host nations. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of tourism can be determined. Firstly, when a historical site become popular, so tourists visit to that area in large numbers. Therefore, the zone become overcrowded always. As well as, sometimes people show ignorance towards special places, because they restrict the rules by demolishing the dignity and beauty of the place. Moreover, some individuals give more importance to others religions and cultures, so they neglect their own traditions and respect of their own culture. In the conclusion, it can be evaluated that as every garden has weeds, touristy has merits and demerits. So, every individual should keep in mind that tourists have both prospectives of the pros and cons, so everybody should take benefits wisely.
Territory is a great source of entertainment as it is kind of recreational activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are busy with their hectic life schedule,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can relax themselves through
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
movement and
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. In transit, trend of travelling has escalated and it becomes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of income for a country. In upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of touristy,
however
the drawbacks cannot
be neglected
of touristy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the merits of excursion,
firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the mode of public transportations, which enhance the revenue of transportation in large proportion.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit to historical museums and buildings. At there, the
'eye catching' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "eye-catching".
eye catching
equipments attract
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
items, which
also
contribute to the revenue of the nation.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
interacts to others cultures, traditions and languages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they broaden their horizon of knowledge.
Furthermore
, the tourism sector is helpful to promote hospitality and hotel management by providing job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of host nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of tourism can
be determined
.
Firstly
, when a historical site become popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visit to that area in large numbers.
Therefore
, the zone become overcrowded always.
As well
as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
ignorance towards special places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they restrict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
by demolishing the dignity and beauty of the place.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals give more importance to others religions and cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they neglect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions and respect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.

In the conclusion, it can
be evaluated
that as every garden has weeds, touristy has merits and demerits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every individual should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have both
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
of the pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everybody should take benefits
wisely
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming increasing important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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