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Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 2
Sports that are particularly of a dangerous nature have become increasingly popular these days. While some people think these events should be banned, everyone has the right to choose for themselves. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why dangerous sports should be banned. Sports that are dangerous in nature may lead to permanent physical injury, or in some cases loss of life. These activities are mainly performed for the sake of entertainment or commercial purposes. The value of human life should be taken into consideration before everything else. Sporting societies in general have implemented policies to prevent individuals from attaining physical harm. For instance, the game of soccer has mandatory footwear and shin guards to protect players from injuries. While the dangers have been acknowledged, some people still support the notion of freedom of choice. Every individual has been given the right to choose for themselves. People have presented the argument that dangerous sports provide an opportunity for athletes to test their capabilities outside their comfort zone. Scientists have conducted research to conclude that dangerous activities often improve their mental strength and willpower. Thereby increasing their attention span and their ability to outperform themselves. Athletes tend to participate in such dangerous activities to exceed their performance expectations. In conclusion, although everyone has the right to freedom of choice. I believe that until sporting societies decide to acknowledge and implement safety measures, dangerous sports that lead athletes to sustain bodily harm must be banned.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
that are
particularly
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
nature have become
increasingly
popular these days. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should
be banned
, everyone has the right to choose for themselves. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
.

Sports that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
in nature may lead to permanent physical injury, or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "cases'" or "case's"?
cases
loss of life. These activities are
mainly
performed for the sake of entertainment or commercial purposes. The value of human life should
be taken
into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
everything else. Sporting societies
in general
have implemented policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
individuals from attaining physical harm.
For instance
, the game of soccer has mandatory footwear and shin guards to protect players from injuries. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
have
been acknowledged
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
support the notion of freedom of choice.

Every individual has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the right to choose for themselves.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have presented the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide an opportunity for athletes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
their capabilities outside their comfort zone. Scientists have conducted research
to conclude
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental strength and willpower. Thereby increasing their attention span and their ability to outperform themselves. Athletes tend to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
activities to exceed their performance expectations.

In conclusion
, although everyone has the right to freedom of choice. I believe that until sporting societies decide to acknowledge and implement safety measures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that lead athletes to sustain
bodily
harm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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