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In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it positive or negative development? v.3

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it positive or negative development? v. 3
Museums are seen as a place with different functions, some people take it to be an entertainment option, while others believe museums are meant to be a schooling method. In my opinion, I do believe museums are places to educate oneself, with more enjoyable ways of learning comparable to just reading a book. However, various things like games, antiques and ancient stories may be found in museums, the main reason why they were invented was more likely to teach people about certain topics or interest according to the museum's content. For instance, teachers at schools may refer to these places for their students or even organise a visit to any of them as part of their classes, because museums can be seen as a significant place full of knowledge. On the other hand, museums are thought to be an entertainment option many could choose to visit. Because of the variety of information and distinct manners used in the museums to display what they want the people to enjoy such masterpieces, antiques or games related to a historical moment; these places can also be entertained for some people. Therefore, tourists, for example, could decide to go visit a museum of a place they are travelling to, in order to learn more about the city or region in general, which will also be an entertainment option because they decide to do this activity as part of their vacation. To conclude, personally I think that museums have both purposes: to educate and to entertain people, because there can be seen as a different type of schooling where people of all ages can visit to learn about a specific topic with materials that help completing the understanding and the knowledge learned, while having some fun.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
functions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take it to be an entertainment option, while others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are meant
to be a schooling method. In my opinion, I do believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to educate oneself, with more enjoyable ways of learning comparable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading a book.

However
, various things like games, antiques and ancient stories may
be found
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, the main reason why they
were invented
was more likely to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about certain topics or interest according to the museum's content.
For instance
, teachers at schools may refer to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for their students or even
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to any of them as part of their classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
full of knowledge.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be an entertainment option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
could choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the variety of information and distinct manners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to display what they want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy such masterpieces, antiques or games related to a historical moment; these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can
also
be entertained
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, tourists,
for example
, could decide to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they are travelling to, in order to learn more about the city or region
in general
, which will
also
be an entertainment option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they decide to do this activity as part of their vacation.

To conclude
,
personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have both purposes: to educate and to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of schooling where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to learn about a specific topic with materials that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to complete" or "complete".
completing
the understanding and the knowledge learned, while having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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