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Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that money could better spent else where to what extent do you agree and disagree v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that money could better spent else where 1
It is commonly believed that, spending a lot of governmental resources on the arts is useless, however, these finances could better be used for other productive activities. I agree that our country is suffering from many problems which need greater financial assistance, but neglecting arts is unfair. According to one school of thoughts, government should provide finances to solve vital public issues. I favour this opinion because we are a developing nation and are devoid of many basic surviving facilities such as shelter, food, education and health. Government is responsible to provide the majority of its below average public with all fundamental facilities and privileges. For this authorities should first utilize finances to introduce public welfare reforms providing free education and economical health care. For example, in 2015 Imran khan launched a health care program in which 25000 people who were unable to afford their medical treatment were provided with health card using which they can have their treatment free of cost and in turn government will pay on their behalf. On the other hand, some argue that expenditure on art activities is an absolute waste of resources. However, I opine, arts like other sciences has its own importance and should not be ignored at any cost. Art galleries and museums are preserving our centuries old cultural heritage, which make us familiar to our folk customs and help to transmit them to our next generation. For instance, Taxilla museum in Pakistan is 67 years old and is preserving years old Buddhist sculpture, along with fascinating display of all four provincial cultures of the country which is a source of information as well as entertainment. Hence, government should aid refurbishment and maintenance of arts and relics places because they have deep spiritual roots in society. To conclude, fundamental necessities such as food, shelter, education and health should be dealt with provision of more attention and resources but not on detriment of the arts.
It is
commonly
believed that, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
governmental resources on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is useless,
however
, these finances could better be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other productive activities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that our country is suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems which need greater financial assistance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
neglecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is unfair.

According to one school of thoughts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide finances to solve vital public issues. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are a developing nation and are devoid of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
basic surviving facilities such as shelter, food, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
is responsible to provide the majority of its below average public with all fundamental facilities and privileges. For
Did you mean "these"?
this
authorities should
first
utilize finances to introduce public welfare reforms providing free education and economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.
For example
, in 2015
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imran
khan launched a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care program in which 25000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were unable to afford their medical treatment
were provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
card using which they can have their treatment free of cost and in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will pay on their behalf.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
activities is an absolute waste of resources.
However
, I opine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
like other sciences has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
at any cost.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
galleries and museums are preserving our centuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cultural heritage, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us familiar to our folk customs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to transmit them to our
next
generation.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taxilla
museum in Pakistan is 67 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and is preserving years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Buddhist sculpture, along with fascinating display of all four provincial cultures of the country which is a source of information
as well
as entertainment.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should aid refurbishment and maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and relics places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have deep spiritual roots in society.

To conclude
, fundamental necessities such as food, shelter, education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should
be dealt
with provision of more attention and resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not on detriment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on arts and that money could better spent else where 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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