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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.2

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. with this view? v. 2
It is argued that government expenditure on arts such as cinema and theatre is a waste and the funds should be spent on other things. This essay agrees that spending on art is futile. Supporters of this view argue that art is a way of life and it helps one to develop his culture. The era of Cinemas and theatres have contributed immensely to the revenue generation of the country and also improved social relationships amongst people. Moods have always been elevated after a public visit to such places of fun like the theatre and as a result of the recent rating by England as the happiest country in the world the government has since made it a priority to keep investing in art. Although art improves social wellbeing of its people, the revenue generated is not in any way significant. Hence, In my own opinion, the best legacy any country can leave for its citizen is education and as a result, the government needs to focus on ensuring that the learning system is well developed and made accessible to its citizen. Therefore, funds for art which presently is not producing enough revenue must be diverted into the educational institution. Once education is affordable it would improve the economy of the country as these citizens would graduate and come back to invest the quality knowledge expended on them to better their nation. For instance, the UK introduced a budget cut of 10 percent in their education system in 2015 it was then reported that there was a high rate of redundancy in students as fees became higher and children of folks who could not afford them resulted into petty crime after dropping out of school. This would not have been the case if the budget had been improved. To conclude, although art helps to improve one's social wellbeing, in order to increase life expectancy and standard of living of the public, sole investments must be in the education system.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as cinema and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is a waste and the funds should
be spent
on other things. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is futile.

Supporters of this view argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a way of life and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to develop his culture. The era of Cinemas and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
have contributed
immensely
to the revenue generation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
social relationships amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Moods have always
been elevated
after a public visit to such places of fun like the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and
as a result
of the recent rating by England as the happiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has since made it a priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
investing in art.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the revenue generated is not in any way significant.
Hence
, In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, the best legacy any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for its citizen is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
as a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to focus on ensuring that the learning system is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
and made accessible to its citizen.
Therefore
, funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which
presently
is not producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
revenue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be diverted
into the educational institution. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is affordable it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as these citizens would graduate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to invest the quality knowledge expended on them to better their nation.
For instance
, the UK introduced a budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
of 10 percent in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system in 2015 it was then reported that there was a high rate of redundancy in students as fees became higher and children of folks who could not afford them resulted into petty crime after dropping out of school. This would not have been the case if the budget had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one's social
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, in order to increase life expectancy and standard of living of the public, sole investments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. with this view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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