Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. with this view? v. 1
In our country today, many people are of the opinion that too much money is being lavished on art works instead of more profitable ventures. I, however, completely disagree with this notion for a number of reasons. In the first place, investments made into artistic works have been known to greatly improve the economy of any country through tourism. It is no longer news that people from different regions of the world are drawn to places with outstanding art galleries. As they come, they contribute greatly to the nation's economy by creating more jobs for the local people. For instance, according to the Nigerian Tourists Regulation Agency, tourism accounted for over fifty percent of the total revenue generated by the country in 2018. This revenue has contributed immensely to the funding of capital projects which, in turn, has led to an impressive growth in the nation's economy. In addition, the government's so-called "extravagant" spendings on the arts has significantly improved the global image of the country. Right up to the 21st of July, 2018, the country has always been ranked below the twenty-fifth position in any International Recognition ranking. However, as soon as the government invested a huge sum into purchasing the famous Monalisa Portrait from the British Museum; an event that was aired live by top global news agencies, our rankings soared above the tenth position. This implies that many people have developed interest in our country which will soon see to more foreign investors trooping into the country. In conclusion, spending money on artistic works is by no means wasteful as it has greatly improved the global image of our country as well as its economy.
In our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that too much money is
being lavished
on art works
instead
of more profitable ventures. I,
however
, completely disagree with this notion for a number of reasons.

In the
first
place, investments made into artistic works have
been known
to
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
through tourism. It is no longer news that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions of the world
are drawn
to places with outstanding art galleries. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, they contribute
greatly
to the nation's economy by creating more jobs for the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, according to the Nigerian Tourists Regulation Agency, tourism accounted for over fifty percent of the total revenue generated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in 2018. This revenue has contributed
immensely
to the funding of capital projects which, in turn, has led to an impressive growth in the nation's economy.

In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
extravagant
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
the arts has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the global image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Right up to the 21st of
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "July 2018".
July, 2018
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has always
been ranked
below the twenty-fifth position in any International Recognition ranking.
However
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invested a huge sum into purchasing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
Portrait from the British Museum; an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that
was aired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by top global news agencies, our rankings soared above the tenth position.
This implies that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have developed interest in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to more foreign investors trooping into the country.

In conclusion
, spending money on artistic works is by no means wasteful as it has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the global image of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as its economy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money can be spent elsewhere. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts