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International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages? v.2

International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages? v. 2
With the advancement of the faster transportation system, especially air travel, people nowadays go to other countries for personal, business, recreational, official, health and educational purposes. The air travel is cheaper than the past and worldwide communication system, particularly Internet, has opened the doors of international tourism. An overwhelming number of tourists travel to different countries and this number is increasing every year. No doubt the international tourism is a very large industry and has many negative aspects. However, I believe that the advantages it offers well exceed the demerits it has. First, due to the global trade, many companies have multiple offices in different geographical locations. Businessmen and office executives can these days visit other branch offices for their meeting, training and business needs. This opens the possibility of running a global business or working in a multinational company which has a huge positive impact on a country’s economy. International travel has made it possible for some medium entrepreneurs and business owners to expand their business opportunity beyond the border. For instance, a huge number of medium-size importers nowadays from my country visit China and some European countries to personally explore the business opportunity there. They even get some business ideas by visiting these countries and can make arrangement to export locally made goods. This, in my opinion, is a great advantage that the international travel offers. Second, people can go to a country where medical treatment is better than his own country. For instance, a large number of people visit developed countries each year for better treatment and this is a positive development that ensures quality healthcare for many people. Similarly, people travel to other countries to enjoy their holidays and this is a great opportunity for learning about diverse cultural aspects. With the increasing international tourism industry, people have the better understanding of foreign cultures and it helps to reduce the gap among nations. This is an important aspect of maintaining world peace as more people travel and experience other cultures, more their misunderstanding about others reduces. Finally, the tourism industry has created a huge job opportunity and countries like Maldives, the Bahamas, Thailand, Indonesia, Anguilla, Aruba and Macau depends on this industry. On the other hand, international tourism has some negative aspects that cannot be overlooked. Damages in biodiversity, increasing environment damage, more garbage production, the influence of foreign culture and threats of terrorism are some aspects that the booming international tourism industry creates. The amount of danger the air-fuel causes is an alarming issue for many environmentalists. In conclusion, the massive international tourism industry and ever-increasing international travels have some environmental, cultural and terrorism-related issues. However, the opportunity and potentiality it has already created far outweigh the disadvantages of it. I believe that in this era of globalisation international travel is a timely demand that will increase with time.
With the advancement of the faster transportation system,
especially
air
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travel
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays go to
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for personal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, recreational, official, health and educational purposes. The air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
is cheaper than the past and worldwide communication system,
particularly
Internet, has opened the doors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. An overwhelming
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number
of tourists
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travel
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
is increasing every year. No doubt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
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aspects
.
However
, I believe that the advantages it offers well exceed the demerits it has.

First
, due to the global trade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have multiple offices in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
geographical locations. Businessmen and office executives can these days visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
branch offices for their meeting, training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
needs. This opens the possibility of running a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
or working in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
has made it possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medium entrepreneurs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
beyond the border.
For instance
, a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of medium-size importers nowadays from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
visit China and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
personally
explore the
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business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
there. They even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
by visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangement to export
locally
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This, in my opinion, is a great advantage that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
offers.

Second,
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people
can go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where medical treatment is better than his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
each year for better treatment and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development that ensures quality healthcare for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to enjoy their holidays and this is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for learning about diverse cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
. With the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the better understanding of foreign cultures and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap among nations. This is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of maintaining world peace as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures, more their misunderstanding about others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has created a huge job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the Maldives".
like Maldives
, the Bahamas, Thailand, Indonesia, Anguilla, Aruba and Macau depends on this industry.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
that cannot
be overlooked
. Damages in biodiversity, increasing environment damage, more garbage production, the influence of foreign culture and threats of terrorism are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
that the booming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
creates. The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
the air-fuel causes is an alarming issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmentalists.

In conclusion
, the massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and ever-increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental, cultural and terrorism-related issues.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and potentiality it has already created far outweigh the disadvantages of it. I believe that in this era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
is a timely demand that will increase with time.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
474 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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