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Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 2
There is often a dichotomy in opinion on whether money should be given as a present or not to adolescents. Some are on this side, while others take a dim view of it. This essay will elaborate on both sides of this argument followed by a strong opinion on condemning giving that as a gift for teenagers. On the one side, there are a number of people holding an optimistic view that giving cash to youngsters is an easy way to please them. The core of this argument is that it is arduous to find something on the basis of teenagers preferences. Parents and teenagers share contradictory interests. To explain more, one can interests parents may not be their youngsters desires. Moreover, giving children the opportunity to buy themselves things they actually need can prevent arguments on unnecessary and unwanted gifted items. According to a survey by the Iranian association, nearly 45% of teenagers agreed that they did not like the presents given to them owning to the fact that they did not need them. On the other hand, some are in opposition to the idea of giving ready money as a present to their youths. To go into more details, juveniles are not mature enough to decide where to spend that. It is probable that the it might be spent on by them on wrongful activities like gambling or what they could squander this on useless things. In a report in Science and Research, University, 60% of youngsters who are given coins to them as a gift are prone to delinquencies like truancy. Furthermore, gifts are token of love and affection and monetary prizes cannot convey these feelings appropriately. None-related- pecuniary presents can always remind people of their best memories of the ones who gave them. In the light of these facts, one can conclude that despite adolescents' independence in spending gifted cash on items they need, they are immature to select the right way to do it. It is suggested that there are other viable alternatives instead of fiscal options leading to an absence of problems and making good recollections of the people who gave them.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a dichotomy in opinion on whether money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
or not to adolescents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are on this side, while others take a dim view of it. This essay will elaborate on both sides of this argument followed by a strong opinion on condemning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
that as a gift for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one side, there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
holding an optimistic view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
cash to youngsters is an easy way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
them. The core of this argument is that it is arduous to find something on the basis of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
preferences. Parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
share contradictory interests. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
more, one can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "interest"
interests
parents may not be their youngsters desires.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
children the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
themselves things they actually need can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
arguments on unnecessary and unwanted gifted items. According to a survey by the Iranian association,
nearly
45% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that they did not like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them owning to the fact that they did not need them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are in opposition to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
ready money as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
to their youths. To go into more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, juveniles are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decide where to spend that. It is probable that
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
might
be spent
on by them on wrongful activities like gambling or what they could squander this on useless things. In a report in Science and Research, University, 60% of youngsters who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
coins to them as a gift are prone to delinquencies like truancy.
Furthermore
, gifts are token of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection and monetary prizes cannot convey these feelings
appropriately
. None-related- pecuniary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
can always remind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of their best memories of the ones who gave them.

In the light of these facts, one can conclude that despite adolescents' independence in spending gifted cash on items they need, they are immature to select the right way to do it. It
is suggested
that there are other viable alternatives
instead
of fiscal options leading to an absence of problems and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
recollections of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who gave them.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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