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some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 1
In many nations, younger generation facing numerous problems in their life cycle. There are a number of causes of this, but certain measures could be taken to alleviate this problem. This essay will discuss about the causes and this essay will also suggest the viable solution. There are several causes for this situation. The main one is that lack of communication with their parents because of the social media. In the recent days, teenagers are more addicted towards the media websites such Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. As a result, most people in teenage not able to spend time with their parents and friends. In addition, students studying in an education environment face peer pressure of getting high scores in their studies. In this kind, of position it will affect mentally and physically and leads to health problems like stress, depression and insomnia. Various possible courses of action could be taken in order to tackle the above. In the first place, the government could launch a nationwide campaign to raise public awareness about the importance of teenager’s struggling with their difficulties in the world. Another way forward could be parents also encourage them to spend more time with their family and guide them in an unbearable position. The Asian countries are prime examples where the literacy rate is increased from 80% to 90 % in 2011 with proper addressing these issues. In conclusion, various factors have led to causes related to the younger generation, but this situation could be addressed by the awareness campaign and the implementation of effective regulations to improve teenager's lifestyle. Given this situation, it is recommended that steps should be taken immediately in order to ensure that the difficulties faced by teenagers in the society.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, younger generation facing numerous problems in their life cycle. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certain measures could
be taken
to alleviate this problem. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and this essay will
also
suggest the viable solution.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
for this situation. The main one is that lack of communication with their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the social media. In the recent days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more addicted towards the media websites such Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
As a result
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in teenage not able to spend time with their parents and friends.
In addition
, students studying in an education environment face peer pressure of getting high scores in their studies. In this kind, of position it will affect mentally and
physically
and leads to health problems like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression and insomnia.

Various possible courses of action could
be taken
in order to tackle the above. In the
first
place, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could launch a nationwide campaign to raise public awareness about the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
’s struggling with their difficulties in the world. Another way forward could be parents
also
encourage them to spend more time with their family and guide them in an unbearable position. The Asian countries are prime examples where the literacy rate
is increased
from 80% to 90 % in 2011 with proper addressing these issues.

In conclusion
, various factors have led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
related to the younger generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this situation could
be addressed
by the awareness campaign and the implementation of effective regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that steps should
be taken
immediately in order to ensure that the difficulties faced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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