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Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience. v.2

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience. v. 2
It is an undeniable fact that recruitment criteria in the companies are changing. Although, some people believe that university degree holders land in reputed industries, others believe that learning the right skills with work experience matters more. Before putting forward any opinion, it is important to investigate both aspects of this argument. On the one hand, it is commonly thought that procuring theoretical knowledge is essential before getting into practical implementation. This is because, only if a pupil has a factual insight on the subject, then only he is fit for the work. For illustration, in Japan, 65% doctors who own MD degree performed well in the hospitals than MBBS degree holders. It is evident that higher post-graduates doctors tend to excel better in their career as compared to medical graduates. In other words, medical practitioners who are aware of the symptoms and repercussions of the disease will be able to diagnose and cure it effectively. On the other hand, it is often thought that 'Experience is the best teacher' and students tend to learn swiftly when they are taught to comprehend while working. This is because, when interns are positioned in an environment directly where they acquire the skill set required for the employment, they ought to grasp it more constructively. For example, in India, 55% agile scrum masters who learned directly at the work platform earned more proficiency than those who completed their masters in the subject. To conclude, while many people say that university graduates secure their job with the degree, others believe that experience enhances the expertise in the subject and hence, helpful to seize a job. After discussing both the views, I personally believe that acquiring an academic degree is the key to bag a good job. Since I have myself completed MCA from a reputed university and now I'm working as a Software Engineer at Microsoft.
It is an undeniable fact that recruitment criteria in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are changing. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
holders land in reputed industries, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that learning the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with work experience matters more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
putting forward any opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to investigate both aspects of this argument.

On the one hand, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that procuring theoretical knowledge is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting into practical implementation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if a pupil has a factual insight on the subject, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
he
is fit
for the work. For illustration, in Japan, 65% doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
MD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
performed well in the hospitals than
Possible spelling mistake found.
MBBS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
holders. It is evident that higher post-graduates doctors tend to excel better in their career as compared to medical graduates. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, medical practitioners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are aware of the symptoms and repercussions of the disease will be able to diagnose and cure it
effectively
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that 'Experience is the best teacher' and students tend to learn
swiftly
when they
are taught
to comprehend while working. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when interns
are positioned
in an environment
directly
where they acquire the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set required for the employment, they ought to grasp it more
constructively
.
For example
, in India, 55% agile scrum masters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learned
directly
at the work platform earned more proficiency than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
completed their masters in the subject.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that university graduates secure their job with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that experience enhances the expertise in the subject and
hence
, helpful to seize a job. After discussing both the views, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that acquiring an academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is the key to bag a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job. Since I have myself completed MCA from a reputed university and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I'm working as a Software Engineer at Microsoft.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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