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Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.14

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 14
It is often argued that tourists should pay more for entertainment and cultural facilities than local people. I partially agree with this opinion because although foreign people can be used as a profit source, sometimes it can be accepted as a discrimination towards foreign tourists. On the one hand, if the foreign visitors pay more for a cultural and leisure attraction, it will bring more economic benefits for the country. Moreover, that money can be used for further development of the facilities, what probably will attract more tourists. For example, in EXPO 2017 conducted in the capital city of Kazakhstan, the charge for Kazakhstani people under 18 years was 4000 Tenge, while for foreign children it was twice more. The profited money was used for building new facilities such as parks and alleys. Therefore, by taking more money from foreign tourists, the owner of attractions can use them for advancing his business. On the other hand, charging foreign tourists more than locals, can be assumed as the discrimination. The tourists may feel humbled because of such inequality, and the possibility that they will come again will decrease. Consequently, the number of tourists can decline. For instance, while Youth Olympic games in 2011 held in Almaty, the price of taxi for foreigners was 5 or even 6 times higher, as the result, the image of the country was worsened. In conclusion, in my opinion, tourists can pay more only in some cases such as exhibitions, but in daily services the payment should be equal.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should pay more for entertainment and cultural facilities than local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a profit source,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a discrimination towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
tourists.

On the one hand, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
visitors pay more for a cultural and leisure attraction, it will bring more economic benefits for the country.
Moreover
, that money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
further
development of the facilities, what
probably
will attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
For example
, in EXPO 2017 conducted in the capital city of Kazakhstan, the charge for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kazakhstani
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 18 years was 4000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Tenge' seems to be countable, so consider using: "tenges".
Tenge
, while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
children it was twice more. The profited money was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for building new facilities such as parks and alleys.
Therefore
, by taking more money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, the owner of attractions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for advancing his business.

On the other hand
, charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
more than locals, can
be assumed
as the discrimination. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
may feel humbled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such inequality, and the possibility that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
again will decrease.
Consequently
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can decline.
For instance
, while Youth
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
in 2011 held in Almaty, the price of taxi for foreigners was 5 or even 6 times higher, as the result, the image of the country
was worsened
.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can pay more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases such as exhibitions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in daily services the payment should be equal.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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