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In Britain, Many old age house are made nowadays. the expenses are paid by the governments. Who do you think should pay for this care, government or the family? v.1

In Britain, Many old age house are made nowadays. the expenses are paid by the governments. Who do you think should pay for this care, government or the family? v. 1
In the United Kingdom, nowadays old age houses are gaining popularity. Several times it is observed that old-aged people in these homes are looked after by the nurses, along with this, the expenses are borne by the government. In my opinion, these costs should be paid by the families rather than the authorities because those people's welfare is an undeniable responsibility of their family, and these expenditures are an extra toll on the government funds. To commence with, the family members are undoubtedly accountable for their older beings' expenses. It is a harsh reality that the older people are now forced to go to old age homes because earlier, they were the ones who nurtured their family. Hence, their children have the sole duty of paying their expenditure. For instance, if today's generation is not bothered about their previous generation, they should remember that their fate would not be dissimilar. Thus, it is imperative that family does this payment. Continuing with my secondary reason, these costs are an extra burden on the ministry. To elaborate more, if these charges are not paid by the families, authorities will have to pay those, and further there will be a minute decrease in the government treasury; consequently, it will affect a nation's economic development detrimentally. For example, in India, a railway project was postponed due to the lack of monetary funds which were allocated for building new old-age residences last year. In conclusion, the financial responsibility of looking after the old aging generation is absolutely on their families because they are their ancestors. Otherwise, the authority will have to come forward, which eventually will hamper the country's progress.
In the United Kingdom, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are gaining popularity. Several times it
is observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these homes
are looked
after by the nurses, along with this, the expenses
are borne
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In my opinion, these costs should
be paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
rather
than the authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's welfare is an undeniable responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and these expenditures are an extra toll on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are
undoubtedly
accountable for their older beings' expenses. It is a harsh reality that the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
forced to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earlier, they were the ones who nurtured their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Hence
, their children have the sole duty of paying their expenditure.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation is not bothered about their previous generation, they should remember that their fate would not be dissimilar.
Thus
, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does this payment.

Continuing with my secondary reason, these costs are an extra burden on the ministry. To elaborate more, if these charges are not paid by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, authorities will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay those, and
further
there will be a minute decrease in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
treasury;
consequently
, it will affect a nation's economic development
detrimentally
.
For example
, in India, a railway project
was postponed
due to the lack of monetary funds which
were allocated
for building new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age residences last year.

In conclusion
, the financial responsibility of looking after the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aging generation is
absolutely
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are their ancestors.
Otherwise
, the authority will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward, which
eventually
will hamper the country's progress.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay In Britain, Many old age house are made nowadays. the expenses are paid by the governments. Who do you think should pay for this care, government or the family? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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