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Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.13

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 13
In the recent few decades, the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming even poorer and to end this common wealth country play a key role. Some believe that sharing wealth for the development of poor countries is regarded as the best option. On the other hand, others argue that wealth should not be wasted for the benefit of other nations. In my view, rich countries should share their resources to develop underdeveloped countries. Firstly, sharing is caring and we live in a civilized world and helping each other will increase humanity and good relations; however, developed countries can afford to share some spare amounts through donations and volunteer works. For instance, a recent report explains that donations from rich countries aid poor countries to improve their living standards. Needless to say, sharing wealth or lending money for lower interest rate can help more countries to catch up with neighbours. Secondly, another pivotal aspect is that the public administrations can establish more public or private organizations to gather volunteers for social service. Moreover, educating people and teaching them essential trading skills will increase revenue and help the country's economy. For example, Oxfam organization collects funds from different organizations and run trade schools to increase business skills. Hence, both public and private service sectors can help the increase in business standards. In conclusion, common wealth countries can help the poor people by running free schools and skills assessment for better trading. Similarly, by lending money for less interest can help poor countries cope with others.
In the recent few decades, the rich are becoming richer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are becoming even poorer and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
this common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
play a key role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is regarded
as the best option. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
should not
be wasted
for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. In my view, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should share their resources to develop underdeveloped countries.

Firstly
, sharing is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
caring and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a civilized world and helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
humanity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations;
however
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can afford to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare amounts through donations and volunteer works.
For instance
, a recent report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that donations from rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards. Needless to say, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
or lending money for lower interest rate can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to catch up with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

Secondly
, another pivotal aspect is that the public administrations can establish more public or private organizations to gather volunteers for social service.
Moreover
, educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and teaching them essential trading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
revenue and
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help
the country's economy.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Oxfam
organization collects funds from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations and run trade schools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, both public and private service sectors can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in business standards.

In conclusion
, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by running free schools and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
assessment for better trading.
Similarly
, by lending money for less interest can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cope with others.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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