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Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. v. 2
Yesterday’s fiction is today’s reality. Such colossal developments have taken place in agriculture, which we couldn’t even think of earlier. It is a highly debatable issue as to whether these improvements in fertilisers and technology are a blessing or a curse. Some people believe that turning to GM crops will increase the food grain production. In this essay, I intend to delve into the advantages and disadvantages of this approach. To begin with, the machinery has saved people from tedious work and in the meantime increased the manufacturing markedly. All this is needed to meet the demands of the burgeoning production. Furthermore, genetic modification of food has given us such species which need little or no insecticides and no fertilizers. The quality of food has also improved. For example, a nut protein has been added to soya bean to increase the protein content. We have more choices, even colour and shape can also be changed. We have sweeter fruits and square watermelons are some examples. Secondly, disease- and drought-resistant plants that require fewer environmental resources (such as water and fertilizer). Thirdly, even though the seed is more expensive, these GM crops lower the costs of construction by reducing inputs of machinery, fuel, and chemical pesticides. In addition, due to more effective pest control, crop yields are often higher. On the downside, such automation has reduced the need for manpower and many people are now jobless. This, genetic modification, is considered as unnatural and as it is relatively new, people are also concerned about its long-term harmful side effects. It is biologically altered. Hence, biotech foods may pose a human health risk. Some methods are also dangerous to the environment as there is contamination of the neighbouring crops due to the altered gene pool. Nevertheless, the excessive production of genetically modified foods will be rendered ineffective over time because the pests that these toxins used to deter might eventually develop resistance towards them. To conclude, as every garden has weeds, such developments have their pros and cons. But the use of GMOs can only benefit to humans when it is used for increasing the availability, quality of meal, medical care, and contributing to a cleaner environment, otherwise no use of modified crops. We should know where to draw the line and take maximum advantage of this technology minimising its harmful effects.
Yesterday’s fiction is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s reality. Such colossal developments have taken place in agriculture, which we couldn’t even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of earlier. It is a
highly
debatable issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
these improvements in
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
and technology are a blessing or a curse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that turning to GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
grain production. In this essay, I intend to delve into the advantages and disadvantages of this approach.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the machinery has saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from tedious work and in the meantime increased the manufacturing
markedly
. All this
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of the burgeoning production.
Furthermore
, genetic modification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us such species which need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no insecticides and no
Do not mix variants of the same word ('fertilizer' and 'fertiliser') within a single text.
fertilizers
. The quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
For example
, a nut protein has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
soya
bean to increase the protein content. We have more choices, even
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and shape can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. We have sweeter fruits and square watermelons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.
Secondly
, disease- and drought-resistant plants that require fewer environmental resources (such as water and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('fertilizer' and 'fertiliser') within a single text.
fertilizer
).
Thirdly
,
even though
the seed is more expensive, these GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
lower the costs of construction by reducing inputs of machinery, fuel, and chemical pesticides.
In addition
, due to more effective pest control,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crop
yields are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
higher.

On the downside, such automation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the need for manpower and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
jobless. This, genetic modification,
is considered
as unnatural and as it is
relatively
new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
concerned about its long-term harmful side effects. It is
biologically
altered.
Hence
, biotech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may pose a human health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
methods are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the environment as there is contamination of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
due to the altered gene pool.
Nevertheless
, the excessive production of
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will
be rendered
ineffective over time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the pests that these toxins
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to deter might
eventually
develop resistance towards them.

To conclude
, as every garden has weeds, such developments have their pros and cons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of GMOs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit to humans when it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for increasing the availability, quality of meal, medical care, and contributing to a cleaner environment,
otherwise
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
. We should know where to draw the line and take maximum advantage of this technology
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
its harmful effects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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