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Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. v. 1
People have different views about the factors leading to the triumph in the field of sports. While some argue that athletes and sports teams with the highest level of physical fitness could win competitions, I believe psychological factors are more significant. On the one hand, I understand the reason why it can be argued that physical factors play a pivotal role in sporting success. Perhaps the major argument is that competitions’ outcomes are largely determined by physical fitness, particularly muscular strength and endurance. For example, a weightlifter has to be physically fit enough to lift weights, and it is clear that the stronger he is, the heavier weight he can lift. Another example is that in marathon running, athletes have to consistently run in many hours, and long legs with powerful muscles are necessary so that they can make up a successful athletic performance. Furthermore, sports teams having well-built members could get a competitive edge over other teams and are more likely to succeed in competitions. On the other hand, I am of opinion that mental factors are far more important than physical ones. Firstly, in professional competitions such as Olympic Games or World Cup, it seems that all competitors are talented and well-trained, and mental toughness would significantly affect the overall result. An athlete with the best physical abilities sometimes could make mistakes, and without willpower and perseverance, he would probably become nervous and consequently give up. Secondly, even a team with strongest members, if there were not solidarity and cooperation, could potentially fail the competition. This is particularly the case in soccer where a player could keep the ball and try to score for his own sake instead of passing the ball to other players who have better scoring opportunities. In conclusion, although I acknowledge that good physical conditions could bring advantages to both individuals and teams, I would contend that mental factors such as determination and persistence play a more vital role in sporting success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
leading to the triumph in the field of sports. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that athletes and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
with the highest level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness could win
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
, I believe psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are more significant.

On the one hand, I understand the reason why it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
play a pivotal role in sporting success. Perhaps the major argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions’
outcomes are
largely
determined by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness,
particularly
muscular strength and endurance.
For example
, a weightlifter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lift weights, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the stronger he is, the heavier weight he can lift. Another example is that in marathon running, athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consistently
run in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours, and long legs with powerful muscles are necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up a successful athletic performance.
Furthermore
, sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
having well-built members could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a competitive edge over other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and are more likely to succeed in competitions.

On the other hand
, I am of opinion that mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ones.
Firstly
, in professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
such as Olympic Games or World Cup, it seems that all competitors
are talented
and well-trained, and mental toughness would
significantly
affect the
overall
result. An athlete with the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
abilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes, and without willpower and perseverance, he would
probably
become nervous and
consequently
give up.
Secondly
, even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the strongest".
strongest
members, if there were not solidarity and cooperation, could
potentially
fail the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. This is
particularly
the case in soccer where a player could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the ball and try to score for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake
instead
of passing the ball to other players who have better scoring opportunities.

In conclusion
, although I acknowledge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions could bring advantages to both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
, I would contend that mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as determination and persistence play a more vital role in sporting success.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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