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Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.4

Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. v. 4
There is no doubt about vaccination is very important to children for some of the diseases. While there are many benefits to getting vaccination of children against preventable diseases and also dangerous to some of the diseases. I would agree with the former view. According to the doctor's suggestion, children who are less than 6 years, they do not have a sufficient immunity system. So doctors suggest to do the certain vaccination. For example, chicken pox, dengue, malaria kind of diseases need to do shots for kids. Normal fever, cold and cough does not require any vaccination. Based on the immunity power of the body, doctors will suggest for the vaccination. The government will provide most of the vaccinations for children based on the seasonal diseases. On the other side, for a normal disease or regular diseases are not required any vaccination. If you go for the vaccination, children's immunity power will reduce. Based on the white blood cells, immunity power will calculate. For example, children will get tired and got fever with this case no need to go for vaccination and it's a danger to kids. So here you need to wait for two to three days to take to cure the fever. If it is continuously the same temperature for children, then consult a doctor and take require medicine not for the shots. You should use prescribed medicine. At the conclusion, vaccination is necessary for seasonal diseases and contaminations and unnecessary for normal diseases. I agree for inoculation is necessary for kids and need to improve the immune system.
There is no doubt about vaccination is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to getting vaccination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
against preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view.

According to the doctor's suggestion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are less than 6 years, they do not have a sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunity
system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
doctors
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest doing".
suggest to do
the certain vaccination.
For example
, chicken pox, dengue, malaria kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do shots for kids. Normal fever,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and cough does not require any vaccination. Based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunity
power of the body, doctors will suggest for the vaccination. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will provide most of the vaccinations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
based on the seasonal diseases.

On the other side, for a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
or regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are not required any vaccination. If you go for the vaccination, children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunity
power will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. Based on the white blood cells,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immunity
power will calculate.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
fever with this case no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go for vaccination and it's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to wait for two to three days to take to cure the fever. If it is
continuously
the same temperature for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, then consult a doctor and take require medicine not for the shots. You should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
prescribed medicine.

At the conclusion, vaccination is necessary for seasonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
contaminations
and unnecessary for normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for inoculation is necessary for kids and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the immune system.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Vaccinating children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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