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Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. v. 1
Celebrities such as film stars and sportspersons support several charitable organizations. Some people argue that they are doing this to gain more publicity. I don’t quite agree with this view. Celebrities are certainly interested in hogging the limelight and that may be the reason they get involved in charitable work. Even so, by openly supporting various humanitarian causes, they are also creating awareness and encouraging other people to get involved. In my opinion, the argument that celebrities reduce the importance of problems does not hold water. They bring issues to public attention by lending their support to them. For example, countless celebrities endorse Green Peace and PETA. By doing so, they have created awareness about the need to protect the planet and wildlife. I doubt that PETA would have gained so much attention without the active support of celebrities. Of course, celebrities do not do much other than just lending their support. But because of their popularity, the media follow them wherever they go and when they get involved in a cause, that makes headlines. This encourages the fans of these celebrities to also support those causes. This is how celebrities make a difference to the world. Because of their huge fan following they can encourage people to act by simply voicing their support for an organization or a cause. It does not really matter whether they are doing this for their own benefits or for the benefit of the charity. In conclusion, I do not agree with the argument that celebrities belittle the importance of various humanitarian causes. They may be supporting charities for their own benefits, but by doing so they are also bringing these causes to the fore and getting the support of others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
such as film stars and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
several charitable organizations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this to gain more publicity. I don’t quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are
certainly
interested in hogging the limelight and that may be the reason they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in charitable work. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, by
openly
supporting various humanitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
, they are
also
creating awareness and encouraging other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved.

In my opinion, the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the importance of problems does not hold water. They bring issues to public attention by lending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to them.
For example
, countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
endorse Green Peace and PETA. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they have created awareness about the need to protect the planet and wildlife. I doubt that PETA would have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much attention without the active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of celebrities.

Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do not do much other than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
lending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their popularity, the media follow them wherever they go and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
headlines. This encourages the fans of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
. This is how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference to the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their huge fan following they can encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to act by
simply
voicing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for an organization or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
. It does not
really
matter whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits or for the benefit of the charity.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
belittle the importance of various humanitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
. They may be supporting charities for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
also
bringing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
to the fore and getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of others.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe famous people’s support for international aid organizations draw public attention. Others think celebrities reduce the importance of the problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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