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nowadays the crime rate is increasing especially among teenagers. what are the reasons behind it and how can we reverse this trend. What punishment methods should be used in your opinion. v.1

nowadays the crime rate is increasing especially among teenagers. what are the reasons behind it and how can we reverse this trend. What punishment methods should be used in your opinion. v. 1
In this contemporary world, crime among every age group has increased and became a mammoth issue for all. Criminal activities in teenagers raise drastically, which will have an awful effect on future generations. I would like to put shine on the causes of this problem and suggest solutions in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, teenagers encouraged by the plethora of reason. First and foremost, there is some leniency in laws for below 18 years of age. Additionally, the punishments given to teens and seniors are different. For example, recent studies prove that this gap of leniency encourages teens to do crime. Moreover, the mindset of children is influenced by the company of bad people and violation in movies which hit their mind toward criminal acts. This is why teenagers of today's world, spend more time on watching entertainment with violence rather than focus on their studies and career. For instance, the teens with wrong mindset result in illegal works. On the flip side, there are ample of solutions which can help in reducing these activities. Firstly, the government should introduce new and strict rules and regulations with equality in punishment for all age categories. In addition, monitoring that these laws are followed by all because there is no use of laws, if they are not followed by people properly. For example, latest research study that properly and carefully following rules can decline the number of violations. Moreover, parents play a critical role in children's life. They have to teach their kids about the outcomes of violence acts and inspire for doing good work by giving them moral values. All this helps in increasing damage among criminal and also helps in diminishing the rate of lawlessness especially in teenagers. To conclude, I opine that teenagers are very sensitive and they can easily influence by wrong activities. So, every parent help their child in developing clear and good thinking and by explaining the importance of laws. Also, government has to take actions on the things which can change children's thinking in a wrong way.
In this contemporary world, crime among every age group has increased and became a mammoth issue for all. Criminal activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
raise
drastically
, which will have an awful effect on future generations. I would like to put shine on the causes of this problem and suggest solutions in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
encouraged by the plethora of reason.
First
and foremost, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leniency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
for below 18 years of age.
Additionally
, the punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to teens and seniors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
For example
, recent studies prove that this gap of leniency encourages teens to do crime.
Moreover
, the mindset of children
is influenced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and violation in movies which hit their mind toward criminal acts. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, spend more time on watching entertainment with violence
rather
than focus on their studies and career.
For instance
, the teens with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
mindset result in illegal works.

On the flip side, there are ample of solutions which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in reducing these activities.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce new and strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations with equality in punishment for all age categories.
In addition
, monitoring that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are followed
by all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, if they are not followed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
properly
.
For example
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
research study that
properly
and
carefully
following
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can decline the number of violations.
Moreover
, parents play a critical role in children's life. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach their kids about the outcomes of violence acts and inspire for doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work by giving them moral values. All this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in increasing damage among criminal and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in diminishing the rate of lawlessness
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To conclude
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sensitive and
they can
easily
influence by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their child in developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thinking and by explaining the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take actions on the things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
children's thinking in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay nowadays the crime rate is increasing especially among teenagers. what are the reasons behind it and how can we reverse this trend. What punishment methods should be used in your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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