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Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Others believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v.1

Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Others believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1
Nowadays, modern technology has been promoted everywhere. Education is not excluded of big changes because of the computer presents. The teachers can be replaced with artificial intelligence in the some education segments. However, no any machines cannot replace humans in the classrooms, they always be just helpful tools. Nobody can argue with the fact that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere act of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a child. This, accompanied by the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually contributes to a better grasping of new knowledge. As an example, at a higher educational level, the availability of digital books, simulators and other academic materials provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be on hand with the standard teacher student approach. But, besides the increasing complexity and behaviour of intelligent software, which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need for human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to determine what the specific needs of each individual are. The expertise of a teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individuals can hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is. As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than transmitters of facts. They have to be open-minded to the changes that are taking place, keep updated and serve as problem solvers in the learning process, thus allowing students to discover the fact for themselves. To conclude, teachers play and will continue to play an essential role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for human intercommunication, but in the way haw, this interaction takes place.
Nowadays, modern technology has
been promoted
everywhere. Education is not excluded of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the computer presents. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
be replaced
with artificial intelligence in the
Did you mean "same"?
some
education segments.
However
,
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any machines cannot replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in the classrooms, they
The adverb 'always' is usually put after the verb 'be'.
always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
helpful tools.

Nobody can argue with the fact that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere act of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a child. This, accompanied by the relaxing attitude and software interactivity,
usually
contributes to a better grasping of new knowledge. As an example, at a higher educational level, the availability of digital books, simulators and other academic materials provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that
otherwise
would not be on hand with the standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
student approach.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
besides
the increasing complexity and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of intelligent software, which is
usually
embedded in the academic digital material, the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being to be able to determine what the specific needs of each individual are. The expertise of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and adapt complex concepts to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals can hardly
be mimicked
by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is.

As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge
rather
than transmitters of facts. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be open-minded to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that are taking place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated and serve as problem solvers in the learning process,
thus
allowing students to discover the fact for themselves.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play and will continue to play an essential role in the classroom,
especially
at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
intercommunication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the way haw, this interaction takes place.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that family members are the most important influence on young adults. Others believe that friends are the most important influence. Which do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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