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Adams Maryam: A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exerciseand avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own kn v.1

Adams Maryam: A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exerciseand avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? 1
Government invests the money in various schemes that benefit its citizens. However, debate exists when it comes to investing money in education and sports. Mainly, which segment it needs to spend more on. In this essay we will look into why money needs to be spend more on education or sports. Education is critical in the development of an individual's wealth and status in the society. For the country, it generates highly efficient and improved quality of workforce to cater to the demand from the industries. For example, it produces a number of scientist, doctors and engineers to service the corresponding industry and population. Furthermore, it widens the knowledge gained by a person, thereby increasing his view and understanding of the issues in the nation and in the world. For instance, ability to analyse the economic and political situation and taking actions based on the situation. In addition, it widens the business and work opportunity as one can cross boundaries and expand the business across nations or pursue opportunities in a different country as he/she has gained the required expertise through education. Even though education plays an important in one's life. In the last few decades the government had already spent enough money to make education available to all populations However, due to this other sectors like sports, agriculture has largely been ignored. So it is time now to allocate more money on sports. Not everyone will be inclined to get educated there are people of various interests. Sport is one where everyone looks to excel and would get the attention of the world if we have a competitive team. For example, a country wining an event at the world level would attract attention and can be used for enhancing relationship with other countries. In conclusion, I disagree that the government should spend more on education than sports. Since education is already developed and sports provide various advantages for the country and for the population. In future we would have an education degree in sport to develop it among the younger generation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
invests the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in various schemes that benefit its citizens.
However
, debate exists when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Mainly
, which segment it needs to spend more on. In this essay we will look into why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
needs to be
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or sports.

Education is critical in the development of an individual's wealth and status in the society. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it generates
highly
efficient and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of workforce to cater to the demand from the industries.
For example
, it produces a number of scientist, doctors and engineers to service the corresponding industry and population.
Furthermore
, it widens the knowledge gained by a person, thereby increasing his view and understanding of the issues in the nation and in the world.
For instance
, ability to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the economic and political situation and taking actions based on the situation.
In addition
, it widens the business and work opportunity as one can cross boundaries and expand the business across nations or pursue opportunities in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as he/she has gained the required expertise through education.

“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in one's life. In the last few decades the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had already spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
available to all populations
However
, due to this other sectors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, agriculture has
largely
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Not everyone will
be inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of various interests.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is one where everyone looks to excel and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the attention of the world if we have a competitive team.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wining an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
at the world level would attract attention and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for enhancing relationship with other countries.

In conclusion
, I disagree that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is already developed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide various advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and for the population. In
The comma is probably missing here: "future, we".
future we
would have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
degree in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to develop it among the younger generation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Adams Maryam: A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exerciseand avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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