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people should be allowed to work as long as they want to and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65 Do you agree or disagree v.1

people should be allowed to work as long as they want to and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65 v. 1
In Today's highly competitive world, poorer nations are struggling for enhancements in medical, education and trade for their development. Nevertheless, it should be better for them if richer nation's government supports such under-developing countries. I partially agree with this opinion because of some reasons. First and foremost thing, developed nation has surpassed supply of these resources. So, sharing of them is affordable. Many rich nations doing their bit in helping poor nations. For instance, recently the American government donated around 33 billion dollars in welfare of African backward people and areas. But being dependent on rich nations for development is not good for developing nations. Secondly, many developing nations striving hard to make improvements in these sectors like India had a literacy rate of 41% in 2000 but, according to the 2015 reports it was 78%. On the flip side, support from rich countries will make their own people feel bad and they think that the authorities are not using funds for their own progress. Recently, a campaign was introduced by England local citizens to stop funding for poor nations. So, the government has to stop such help. Furthermore, richer nation's government should open door for foreign and for imports. Then, they can also provide scholarship to students of poor nations to study in their country's universities. So, these steps are realistic and many rich nations are following in this these nations can provide a relief for poorer nations in terms of development. To conclude, it represents nation's social values and humanity if they take responsibility to fulfil these basic resources for poorer nations, but they also ensure that they are not making poorer nations dependent on them, this is my viewpoint on the opinion.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
highly
competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are struggling for enhancements in medical, education and trade for their development.
Nevertheless
, it should be better for them if richer nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supports such under-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

First
and foremost thing, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has surpassed supply of these resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, sharing of them is affordable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
doing their bit in helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For instance
, recently the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
donated around 33 billion dollars in welfare of African backward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
being dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for development is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for developing nations.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
improvements in these sectors like India had a literacy rate of 41% in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, according to the 2015 reports it was 78%. On the flip side, support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
countries will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bad and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the authorities are not using funds for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
progress. Recently, a campaign
was introduced
by England local citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
funding for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Furthermore
, richer nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should open door for foreign and for imports. Then, they can
also
provide scholarship to students of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to study in their country's universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these steps are realistic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are following in this these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can provide a relief for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in terms of development.

To conclude
, it represents nation's social values and humanity if they take responsibility to fulfil these basic resources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
ensure that they are not making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
dependent on them, this is my viewpoint on the opinion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay people should be allowed to work as long as they want to and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65 v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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