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Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country's success, While others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country success. What are this factors? Which of all factors do you think are most important? v.8

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country's success, While others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country success. What are this factors? Which of all factors do you think are most important? v. 8
A provincial's advancement depends on various factors. Not only money is the main factor, but also education, transaction and production, entire military strength, advanced machinery and communication system are the essential reasons behind a homey's progress. A camp of society deem that financial progression is the main way to assess a rustic's prosperity whereas, another segment of persons believe that there are several reasons that can be used for measuring a agrarian's prosperity. However, I personally do not fall in with the statement because not only money brings a agrarian's achievement they are are several assessments and I will elaborate some factors in this essay related to the topic. In spite of having importance of money, a bucolic cannot go ahead without the others advancement such as education, purchase and production, advanced machinery and communication as well as entire military violence. Firstly, education is very crucial part of a rustic's improvement. If the entire population is not educated the rustic cannot make the prosperity. secondly the evolution of an agrarian largely depends on its financing and manufacturing sectors. The rustic which invests more they could make more and the eventual outcome of the rustic's realization will grow up day by day. For instance, Australia, America and Russia are the most blooming countries in the globe because they have been focusing on their asset and production sectors. The advance of automation and entire military violence also play a vital role behind the progress of an agrarian. Military force could defend from the enemies as well as strangers and advanced machinery can affirm the better communication system which is also helpful for a bucolic's growth. In conclusion, although economic progress makes a great contribution to every country's accomplishment, but there are also some urgent factors and without them a rustic's accomplishment cannot be assessed.
A provincial's advancement depends on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
education, transaction and production,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
military strength, advanced machinery and communication system are the essential reasons behind a homey's progress. A camp of society deem that financial progression is the main way to assess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rustic's
prosperity whereas, another segment of persons
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "believes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'believe' is not always incorrect.)
believe
that there are several reasons that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for measuring
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
agrarian's prosperity.
However
, I
personally
do not fall in with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
money brings
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
agrarian's achievement they
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
several assessments and I will elaborate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
in this essay related to the topic.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
having importance of money, a bucolic cannot go ahead without the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
advancement such as education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and production, advanced machinery and communication
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
military violence.
Firstly
, education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rustic's
improvement.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
population is not educated the rustic cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the prosperity.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
the evolution of an agrarian
largely
depends on its financing and manufacturing sectors. The rustic which invests more they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more and the eventual outcome of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rustic's
realization will grow up day by day.
For instance
, Australia, America and Russia are the most blooming countries in the globe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been focusing on their asset and production sectors.

The advance of automation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
military violence
also
play a vital role behind the progress of an agrarian. Military force could defend from the enemies
as well
as strangers and advanced machinery can affirm the better communication system which is
also
helpful for a bucolic's growth.

In conclusion
, although economic progress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great contribution to every country's accomplishment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
and without them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rustic's
accomplishment cannot
be assessed
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country's success, While others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country success. What are this factors? Which of all factors do you think are most important? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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