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Some people think that development of the technology helps to reduce the crime, while other think it encourages crime. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that development of the technology helps to reduce the crime, while other think it encourages crime. v. 1
The technology has revolutionized the world. Some people think that it helps to curb the crime, using it easy to track the criminal, although others believe that it increases the crime; it reduces the employment. In my opinion, I support the former view. To begin with, Person believes that technology helps the nation to remove the crime. One of the important reasons is that using a Global Positioning System, allows one’s to get the location of the criminal easily. Using this, they can also monitor the activity of the one’s. For example, when police transfer criminals from a one location to another at that time it may be chance that criminals get lost, but using technology they continuously track the vehicles and get knowledge where they were. Moreover, technology provides better security at all the places even for that no need to hire human, such as in many multinational companies to open the door a face recognition system is there. On the other hand, others think that technology helps to grow the criminal activity. Firstly, Nowadays, many of the works will be carried out by the machines using the technology; this will create the atmosphere where people having no jobs. This type of situation forces people to start the criminal activity to provide the money to manage their daily life. For instance, many companies started to use the machines that replace the labour work. Furthermore, one of the advancements in the communication is the social media like Facebook, in which people put their life detail which someone can use in term of negatively which, creates a problem. In conclusion, while technology helps police to get details about the crime activity and individual create more security to prevent their confidential data, but having the treat that creates criminal activity as there were using social media.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has revolutionized the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, using it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
, although others believe that it increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
; it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the employment. In my opinion, I support the former view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Person believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the nation to remove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that using a Global Positioning System,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
one’s to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the location of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
easily
. Using this, they can
also
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of the one’s.
For example
, when police transfer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from a one location to another at that time it may be chance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
they
continuously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the vehicles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge where they were.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provides better security at all the places even for that no need to hire human, such as in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to open the door a face recognition system is there.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to grow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Firstly
, Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the works will
be carried
out by the machines using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
; this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the atmosphere where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having no jobs. This type of situation forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to provide the money to manage their daily life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the machines that replace the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
work.
Furthermore
, one of the advancements in the communication is the social media like Facebook, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
detail which someone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in term of
negatively
which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
a problem.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
police to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more security to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their confidential data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having the treat that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as there were using social media.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that development of the technology helps to reduce the crime, while other think it encourages crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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