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Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v.2

Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 2
Academic cognition at an early age has become extremely crucial. Due to this, several people think that history is predominant subject. Whereas, proponents of the opposite thoughts believe that Science and technology must be comprehend the most by students. What must be the fundamental subjects in schools? A thorough scrutiny of the above will lead to an insightful response. While it is convenient to adopt one side other the other, I prefer to present a balanced ergo objective assessment. In my opinion, analysis of historical subjects has its own pivotal role in academics. However, Science and Technology have their vital contribution in pupils future growth. Following two paragraphs will detail both the aspects extensively. First and foremost, history plays an important part in our civilisation. This is because cultures and traditions are inherited from our ancestors with the study of History. Additionally, articles written by eminent writers in the past have been giving us tremendous information about our ancestors and how we would have evolved. For instance, the festivals, we are celebrating today have fascinating stories behind that and we came to know those through the historical materials. On the contrary, study of Science and Technology gives students future growth. The world is being acquired by scientific facts and technological equipments. So, the importance of understanding these subjects, becoming necessity. For instance, in the era of globalisation, students must be aware of the technological devices and the science behind it from their childhood. Keeping all of the above mentioned things in mind, historical events and cultural awareness are evident. However, future growth perspective and competitions are well worthy of an equivalent consideration. To conclude, as is most of the things in life, this matter also has two sides. Fortunately, in this case, both of them are constructive.
Academic cognition at an early age has become
extremely
crucial. Due to this, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that history is predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. Whereas, proponents of the opposite thoughts believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "comprehended"?
comprehend
the most by students. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in schools? A thorough scrutiny of the above will lead to an insightful response.

While it is convenient to adopt one side other the other, I prefer to present a balanced ergo objective assessment. In my opinion, analysis of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pivotal role in academics.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology have their vital contribution in pupils future growth. Following two paragraphs will detail both the aspects
extensively
.

First
and foremost, history plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cultures and traditions
are inherited
from our ancestors with the study of History.
Additionally
, articles written by eminent writers in the past have been giving us tremendous information about our ancestors and how we would have evolved.
For instance
, the festivals, we are celebrating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have fascinating stories behind
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
we came to know those through the historical materials.

On the contrary
, study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and Technology gives students future growth. The world is
being acquired
by scientific facts and technological equipments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the importance of understanding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, becoming necessity.
For instance
, in the era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of the technological devices and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
behind it from their childhood.

Keeping
Consider using "all the".
all of the
above mentioned things in mind, historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultural awareness are evident.

However
, future growth perspective and competitions are well worthy of an equivalent consideration.
To conclude
, as is most of the things in life, this matter
also
has two sides.
Fortunately
,
in this case
, both of them are constructive.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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