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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 9
It is an undeniable truth that there is still controversy between the entertainment industry and the health and education sector. According to some people the doctors, nurses, and teachers are spending most of their time for a community so that all of them should offer higher wages compared to actors and athletes. In my opinion, I agree that doctors and teachers are the backbones of the nation and they ought to give more money. To begin with, why the Government must pay high money for doctors and teachers. The first point for this, Doctors and Teachers have spent a great deal of money on their studies and then often attend expensive professional training seminars. Furthermore, one part of the economy of the country relies on the students fees given to institutions for learning that particular course. If the government not providing high salaries to a person who works as a doctor also teachers, therefore nobody eager to pursuing these professional careers in the future, hence this can lead to the economic growth of the country. For example, many Countries are constructing plethora institutions of health and education for students from which the government can earn money also this will help to the growth of the economy. Secondly, the health and teacher should be top priorities of any government. To illustrate, doctors are serving most of their time for public treatment and providing a healthy life for everyone. For instance, doctors are available 24 hours for the patient also after helping people, the number of people suffering from Hazardous disease decreased, as a result, they all are given one more life. Moreover, teachers shape the future for millions of children all over the world. A teacher is the first person who provides the knowledge to the students for achieving their ambition. In other words, today most people are working in an eminent corporation because of the teachers hard work. In conclusion, in my view; doctors and teachers are fostering the country for economic development and the students are completing their want with a teacher, for this reason, are they both given a higher salary compared to an entertainment actor and sports athlete.
It is an undeniable truth that there is
still
controversy between the entertainment industry and the health and education sector. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, nurses, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are spending most of their time for a community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that all of them should offer higher wages compared to actors and athletes. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the backbones of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nation and
they ought to give more money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay high money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. The
first
point for this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
have spent a great deal of money on their studies and then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attend expensive professional training seminars.
Furthermore
, one part of the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
relies on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
fees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to institutions for learning that particular course. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not providing high salaries to a person who works as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
therefore
nobody eager to
With 'eager to', use the base form of the verb: "pursue".
pursuing
these professional careers in the future,
hence
this can lead to the economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
are constructing plethora institutions of health and education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can earn money
also
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the growth of the economy.

Secondly
, the health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should be top priorities of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are serving most of their time for public treatment and providing a healthy life for everyone.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are available 24 hours for the patient
also
after helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from Hazardous disease decreased,
as a result
, they all are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
one more life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
shape the future for millions of children all over the world. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is the
first
person who provides the knowledge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for achieving their ambition.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in an eminent corporation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

In conclusion
, in my view;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are fostering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for economic development and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are completing their want with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
for this reason
, are they both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a higher salary compared to an entertainment actor and sports athlete.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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