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Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems v. 1
Many people have increasingly opted to stop consuming meat and start becoming a vegetarian as a disease prevention measure. I definitely agree with this opinion and believe that people should adopt a healthier lifestyle by living their life as a vegetarian. First of all, I believe that ceasing meat consumption prevents people from various health concerns. Meat has the tendency to stay in the human's body for a longer period, especially for the older society, as it contains unhealthy contents such as fat. The longer and higher amount of fat to remain in one's body can block the blood vessel that can cause health problems. For instance, this blocked blood vessel could lead to heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and obesity. Hence, it is essential for people to choose vegetables over meat to avoid non-communicable diseases that might occur in the future. Secondly, I believe that shifting into a vegetarian offers additional health and mental benefits. Aside from averting the aforementioned health problems, vegetarians often find themselves living a healthier and better life. Vegetables, beans, and non-meat foods provide nutrition, vitamins, and minerals that are beneficial for metabolism and respiration system. As an example, boosted metabolism results in a better digestion process. Another instance, oxygen contained in vegetables allows vegetarians to breathe more comfortably, which leads to less stress and happier life. Therefore, people should alter to be a vegetarian to enjoy these additional advantages. The vegetarian trend has become increasingly popular nowadays. In conclusion, I strongly agree with this lifestyle trend, because being a vegetarian allows people to avoid health concerns as well as to live a better life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
increasingly
opted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
becoming a vegetarian as a disease prevention measure. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt a healthier lifestyle by living their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a vegetarian.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that ceasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Meat
has the tendency to stay in the human's body for a longer period,
especially
for the older society, as it contains unhealthy contents such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. The longer and higher amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
to remain in one's body can block the blood vessel that can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
For instance
, this blocked blood vessel could lead to heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and obesity.
Hence
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose vegetables over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
to avoid non-communicable diseases that might occur in the future.

Secondly
, I believe that shifting into a vegetarian offers additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and mental benefits. Aside from averting the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems, vegetarians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find themselves living a healthier and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Vegetables, beans, and non-meat foods provide nutrition, vitamins, and minerals that are beneficial for metabolism and respiration system. As an example, boosted metabolism results in a better digestion process. Another instance, oxygen contained in vegetables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
vegetarians to breathe more
comfortably
, which leads to less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should alter to be a vegetarian to enjoy these additional advantages.

The vegetarian trend has become
increasingly
popular nowadays.
In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this lifestyle trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being a vegetarian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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