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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. v.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. v. 5
I believe that parents have much cared for their children because parents wish to become a successful individual in her growth. They are strength on it more because they want a good life to make in communities. Profit is based on aim because without aim they cannot victory in the growth and they cannot achieve an aim. Some parents are supplemental strain on her because they are thinking that it is competition between life to human. If parents do not give them to strength they are not able to take stand in her heart. If a child is playing the game only they are playing entire soul. In the modern era, what, why, and how did we gain to get win. Money plays a vital role in everyone's activity because without money they cannot stand in the market or any other area. So some parents give to stress. Children can do anything and make a reputation because of their parents. For example, as a parent, my daughter is very weak in mathematics. My tension on her to get accomplished. We cannot get prosperity easily. Hard work gets a benefit and advancement gets more money. If children cannot get good marks in school or college, he or she is weak at the education level. Knowledge is power and power gives a good reputation and job in the market. For example, I have a zero education, but I have a splendid knowledge I can do anything. I conclude that success is not only advance is not prominent because without IQ level, we cannot get marvellous money and we will not successfully.
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have much cared for their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wish to become a successful individual in her growth. They are strength on it more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in communities.

Profit
is based
on aim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without aim they
The word 'victory' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
cannot victory
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
growth and
they cannot achieve an aim.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are supplemental strain on her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are thinking that it is competition between life to human.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not give them to strength they are not able to take stand in her heart.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a child is playing the game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they are playing entire soul. In the modern era, what, why, and how did we gain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
win.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays a vital role in everyone's activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they cannot stand in the market or any other area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Children can do anything and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a reputation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, my daughter is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak in mathematics. My tension on her to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
accomplished.

We cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
prosperity
easily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
a benefit and advancement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If children cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in school or college, he or she is weak at the education level. Knowledge is power and power gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation and job in the market.
For example
, I have a zero education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a splendid knowledge I can do anything.

I conclude that success is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advance is not prominent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without IQ level, we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
we will not
successfully
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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