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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. v. 1
Sports not only improve the skills and abilities of athletes, but it also helps them kerb their lust for the thrill, adventure and passion. Sports competitions often result in brilliant and breathtaking performances which only amuse its viewers but helps competitors to explore and gauge their true potential. Few people believe that risky sports should be prohibited, while others do not agree in imposing a ban. This essay will analyse the merits and demerits associated with menacing games to present an opinion in a conclusive way. People believe that threatening games like boxing, wrestling, rafting, bull fighting; car racing and so on should be prohibited as there are myriad risks associated with it. Proponents of this viewpoint argue that these sporting activities not only put the life of contestant in jeopardy but at times also harm its spectators that have flocked from different places to watch their favourites in action. They say that sportsmen get severely injured and often killed, loss of life or an injury leads them to a miserable life and results in the destruction of their families. For instance, several horrific accidents in Formula One Grand Prix car race have resulted in the loss of life of several spectators and drivers. Moreover, these fatal accidents sometimes demoralise others to take part in different games. Another example is of wrestling where hard punches on the head often cause mental and nervous systems disorders. On the contrary, another school of thought believes that these sports should not be banned as they help sportsmen to kerb their desire for thrill and adventure. They say that people love challenges and they want to gauge their core skills and explore their strength through these sports. These sporting activities depict the real courage and zeal of the competitors. It improves their decision-making skills under extreme conditions because a single wrong move can have severe consequences. Moreover, they argue that rather than banning these sports, organisers and professional athletes should adopt safety measures like using protective guards, deploy reinforced wall in front of spectators on a race track and so on. Furthermore, stunning performances showcased in these events wins the heart of thousands and make them happy. To recapitulate, the aforementioned provide plausible argument over both views. I personally believe that unsafe sports should not be banned rather proper safety measures and regulations should be implemented to make them safe for athletes and spectators.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities of athletes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'kerb' is British English.
kerb
their lust for the thrill, adventure and passion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result in brilliant and breathtaking performances which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
amuse its viewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
competitors to explore and gauge their true potential. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be prohibited
, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in imposing a ban. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the merits and demerits associated with menacing games to present an opinion
Consider replacing "in a conclusive way" with the adverb for "conclusive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a conclusive way
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that threatening games like boxing, wrestling, rafting, bull fighting; car racing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on should
be prohibited
as there are myriad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with it. Proponents of this viewpoint argue that these sporting activities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of contestant in jeopardy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at times
also
harm its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spectators
that have flocked from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
in action. They say that sportsmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severely
injured and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
killed, loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or an injury leads them to a miserable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and results in the destruction of their families.
For instance
, several horrific accidents in Formula One Grand Prix car race have resulted in the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spectators
and drivers.
Moreover
, these fatal accidents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
Possible spelling mistake. 'demoralise' is British English.
demoralise
others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games. Another example is of wrestling where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
punches on the head
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cause mental and nervous systems disorders.

On the contrary
, another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
sportsmen to
Possible spelling mistake. 'kerb' is British English.
kerb
their desire for thrill and adventure. They say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
challenges and
they want to gauge their core
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and explore their strength through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. These sporting activities depict the real courage and zeal of the competitors. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
under extreme conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a single
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
can have severe consequences.
Moreover
, they argue that
rather
than banning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
and professional athletes should adopt safety measures like using protective guards, deploy reinforced wall in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spectators
on a race
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, stunning performances showcased in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
wins the heart of thousands and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy.

To recapitulate, the aforementioned provide plausible argument over both views. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not
be banned
rather
proper safety measures and regulations should
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them safe for athletes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spectators
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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