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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v.4

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 4
In today’s world childhood obesity is one of the most pressing problems. There are many reasons for this issue and many effects have been associated with it. However, I believe that several steps could be followed to improve this situation. There are two main factors that are contributed to children obesity. One is bad eating habits: eating junk foods like MacDonald’s and drinking sugary soft drinks. Another possible factor could be that  children nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle, they play computer games, chat on the internet rather than doing  sport or playing outside. As a consequence, of these factors, children these days are becoming obese. They are overweight, unhealthy and unfit to play or to do any physical exercise. Another devastating effect is that, the higher risk of heart diseases, diabetes and cancer. These diseases put a strain on hospitals and they are going to be a heavy burden in the future. On the other hand, I think there are several measurements can be done by parents, governments and schools. Firstly, giving children healthy food, control what they eat and ensure that they have a healthy diet. For example, the diet that includes more vegetables and less fat contents. Secondly, governments can limit junk food advertisements or prohibit those which are directed to children. Finally, restrict the time they spend on computer and video games, and encourage them to do regular exercise. In conclusion, it is true that obesity among children with its negative impacts, is growing at an alarming rate but it seems to me that there are many solutions to tackle this problem.
In
today
’s world childhood obesity is one of the most pressing problems. There are
many
reasons for this issue and
many
effects have
been associated
with it.
However
, I believe that several steps could
be followed
to
improve
this situation.

There are two main factors that
are contributed
to
children
obesity. One is
bad
eating habits: eating junk foods like MacDonald’s and drinking sugary soft drinks. Another possible factor could be that
 
children
nowadays tend to have a sedentary lifestyle, they play computer games, chat on the internet
rather
than doing
 
sport or playing outside.

As a consequence, of these factors,
children
these days are becoming obese. They are overweight, unhealthy and unfit to play or to do any physical exercise. Another devastating effect is that, the higher
risk
of heart diseases, diabetes and cancer. These diseases put a strain on
hospitals and
they are going to be a heavy burden in the future.

On the other hand
, I
think
there are several measurements can
be done
by parents,
governments
and schools.
Firstly
, giving
children
healthy food, control what they eat and ensure that they have a healthy diet.
For example
, the diet that includes more vegetables and less
fat
contents.
Secondly
,
governments
can limit junk food advertisements or prohibit those which
are directed
to
children
.
Finally
, restrict the time they spend on computer and video games, and encourage them to do regular exercise.

In conclusion
, it is true that obesity among
children
with its
negative
impacts, is growing at an alarming rate
but
it seems to me that there are
many
solutions to tackle this problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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