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Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Some people believe that the companies or employers should spend money and time on employees' exercise during work but some people disagree with that. This essay will take on the positive aspects this exercise can have and also the negative effects on companies. However, the positive aspects seem to more than the negative impacts. Evidence suggests people during the work need energy and a positive mind so, if companies need to qualify works, they should attend to the employees. After a couple of hours, employees are tired or their bodies need some rest. Exercise is the best way to keep employees in a higher level of energy. Especially, a group of exercises is better. It can improve their health. So employees can back to the work and do qualify works or produce high-level products with a positive mind that they can invite or improve products. This way needs a little money and time, but the conclusion is very big and good for both employees and companies. However, some people disagree with that opinion. They think exercise can waste time and if people attend to their health, they should move or exercise in out of work. They believe the product of the companies are more important than health participants or qualify the product. The best way is employees exercise in out of the work and just working during the day. Summary, considering the points discussed above, exercise can help both the employer and employees. Because companies need to qualify the product so health employees can product that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
or employers should spend money and time on employees'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with that. This essay will take on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
aspects this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can have and
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
aspects seem to more than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

Evidence suggests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
energy and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualify
works, they should attend to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. After a couple of hours,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are tired
or their bodies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in a higher level of energy.
Especially
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
is better. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualify
works or produce high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
mind that they can invite or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money and time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the conclusion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with that opinion. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can waste time and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
participants or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualify
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. The best way is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
working during the day.

Summary, considering the points discussed above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both the employer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualify
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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